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new blog

2009-06-11T10:51:00.000+08:00

sorry i havent been updating AT all. it's been a busy year.

anyway, i have a new blog. here's link:

http://www.lionsmoke.wordpress.com

yup. so go check it out (:

December 2nd.

2008-12-03T02:05:00.004+08:00

and revision for finals kick off. i have planned out my chapters and what i need to finish each day. if i follow my plan, i will be fine. so far. im one day behind everything haha.

i have been good. developed a reliance on caffeine which is insane. havin like double espressos at least twice a day now.

im getting to know the people at the office better now, which is good. (: even right now im at the office and its because i slept overnight here. i will staying in the office until i finish what i need to finish. like yesterday's work and today's work before going to tara's place for dinner.

i am going to run to be an editor. culture editor. and i will get it. i will change the culture section (:

things that could be covered in the culture sections:
photos from parties on campus (monday)
party reviews (monday)
photo of the week (monday)
the cultures in vancouver
-protests and rallies
-ongoing events
-concerts
-sexuality stuff
-night life?
the cultures at UBC
-lifestyle
-fashion
-a day in the life of ________ (school mascot, cheerleader, sportmen (with training and stuff), music student, ams president, food caf worker, student librarian, land and food system student, RBF member, an editor at the paper, frat boy, skateboarder, commerce student, engineering students) (thursday)
-festivals and events
-unique things that are unique to UBC (vandalizing the E, interview the person who repaints the E everytime, bad turnout for games)(every 2 weeks monday)

yeah. i think thats about it for now. (:

the truth is

2008-11-12T15:24:00.002+08:00

i am exhausted.

physically and mentally.

i kinda did bite off more than i can chew. running at track, trying to keep up with homework, dedicating my life to the paper, helping to plan socials for pride.

and now im in a rut where my brain is refusing to work, i have no motivation to run, and my only goals in life is to go to the office and do things for the paper and chill. and socialising with people.

my dad was right that i should just concerntrate on my studies. the office IS more interesting that school. le sigh. and he was right in predicting that i would get distracted.

i WILL go to all my classes tomorrow. i will take a shower after this post and finish the english paper that was due last friday, and go to sleep. i WILL wake up and go to class because thats what im here for.

and im worried about things that i shouldnt even be worrying about. le sigh. i need to plan my time a bit better. and no more crazy nights of just drinking and staying up late because my biological clock is way screwed up. like last night we went out drinking celebrating tara's 19, i eneded up going back at 4am, and i was barely functioning today. bleh.

the last weekend at yale, bc was epic. it was awesome. people where drunk for the entire weekend, and people did stupid shit and i got to know people a lot better, which is good in some ways and bad in others. haha. like i got to know what people where like and stuff like that. i wont be drinking for a really long while

so i've decided to going back to my hobo days during the first few weeks

i WILL go to the library from 9am-11am and do some studying in the library. go to class 11am to 1pm. 1pm go have lunch or grab something to eat and then go to the library til 4pm or take a nap then. 4pm go to class and then when class ends at 5pm, go to track and then have dinner at vanier and then go home.

this is how is worked out for the first few weeks of school, until i stopped going to the library. gah.

i will do this for wednesdays.

mondays and fridays 9-11am should be spent at the library. monday afternoons are now dedicated to the paper and fridays i end at 2pm, and that would give me a couple of hours to study before the night. tuesdays and thursdays i need to go to class 8-9.30am, tuesdays do some studying 10am til 2pm and then chill, and then thursdays are dedicated to the paper.

i need to get my life back into shape. and it feels better that i have a plan, and that its going to stat getting kicked back to shape tomorrow onwards.

i need to sleep now. screw that shower. i'll shower tomorrow after track (:

inspired by ah ngim

2008-10-04T07:41:00.002+08:00

im making lists too (:

my lists. to be updated more within the next few weeks.

languages i want to learn
1. french

dialects i want to pick up
1. cantonese

career choices
1. child psychologist
2. theatre coach (like mdm)
3. artist (like drawing and stuff)
4. journalist (maybe in war or just news)

my goals in school (apart from studies)
1. eventually become an editor for the school paper
2. improve the gay community in schools and the relationship we share with other schools
3. make it to the improv team one year
4. eventually make it to the nationals for track (:

my long term goals in life
1. to pick up photoshop (for my art work and stuff)
2. stop child prostituition
3. learn to ballroom dance

okay gtg for work training (:

i think

2008-09-22T17:20:00.001+08:00

being attractive is being comfortable in your own skin (:

today

2008-09-22T17:16:00.001+08:00

btw just wanted to share this page from my floormate. she mixes music and sings. and its really cool

www.myspace.com/lauratechnodjwolfe

she doesnt really mingle much with me but she's just friendly enough and stuff without really getting that closer to be asked out for dinner and stuff.

yeahh

so we have this yearly tradition at ubc, its called day of longboat. basically you form a team with your friends, grab a longboat and there's a race in the water. it pretty cool. im on a team and the event is next week. i doubt i would be able to make it for the actual event now. more later. so the clinic was today and it was really fun (: i wouldnt mind trying out for the rowing team if they didnt have like 5.30am trainings on thurdays morning at richmond, which is like 30mins drive away.

after the clinic, i went for my usher job interview. it was like 2hrs+. so basically we were given like a 5 min introduction to the chan centre, and then we had a 20mins written interview, with questions like what qualities make a good front of house attendant, what is important for team work to happen, how does being a front of house attendant fit into your schedule. after that we had to do this group activity. first activity was we split into groups of like 4-5. and we're given pipe cleaner (those furry bendy things) and told to make a structure based on a common quiality we all share. my group was love for the performing arts, make a 3d shape and then made sturctures that represented dance, drama and music. (: it was pretty cool really haha.

and after that we had a stimulation ticket tearing thing. we had to rmemeber where all the seats are, coz like the odd boxes are on the left and even on the right, and like <150, <250, <350 numbered seats are all on the left and the rest are on the right. so we had to look at the tickets and direct people.

after that i waited chee bye long for the oral interview. i was like second last in my group, and i think its also becasue like the guy didnt have much questions to ask me. he was like what qualities do you have that would make you a good front of house attendant. and i was like oh im approachable and stuff. and he was like okay thats good and that i had really high chance of being hired, they just need to look at my written interview and that i should expect a call from them either on monday or tuesday.

so after that i had the audition to the musical theatre club which is called the gilbert and sullivan club. i have no idea what that means really. and like when i went into the interview room, there were like 8 judges. they were the director, dance cheoreographer and people. and like the guy who auditioned me for choir was there as well. omg. haha. i sang 'when you believe' from prince of egypt and after that the director was like so have you auditioned for any other performing arts groups and i was like yeah i auditioned for choir *pause* but i didnt get and i laughed. and the auditioneers laughed as well and kinda poked fun at the choir guy. he's like the music director for this i think. oh im auditionin for the musical 'the fantasticks' and some opera. lol. and anyway, the dance choreographer was like so you have no dance experience, and i was like i did jazz for like 2 months, and she was like do you know anything special like mime or somethin (OMG I FORGOT TO SAY I KNOW BASIC CHINESE OPERA MOVEMENT) and i was like i know really really basic mime work. and she was like oh okay and wrote it down on my paper. and she was like can you do backflips or anything and i was like er. haha i can do a cartwheel? and they were all like thats good! show us! and i did it and they all clapped lol. haha. after that the choir guy asked me to do some scales (again) and yeah. i think i did pretty well. next sun is the the dance auditions and the call backs are after that. BUT. the rehearsals are like every monday and wednesday 7-10pm and on sundays 1-5pm. usually people dont have to go for all the rehearsals until closer to show day coz the leads and the chorus might practise on seperate days. but that means i will have to go to rehearsals after sprint pratice.

speaking of which. it starts tomorrow and i really hope i dont suck too bad! lol

okay until next time (: the ubyssey is having a bonfire and im so psyched for it on tuesday night.

OH. my name is in the school paper!! i wikipedied a tiny section about the history of earthquake detection and the editor put my name there!! (: and my name is on the interview section coz i did the interviews for that issue. (((((: omg im so happy!! haha

OKAY MASS UPDATE

2008-09-22T17:01:00.002+08:00

sept 6th
ok here are my thoughts i jotted down while waiting for class yesterday

"this is where i belong. amongst the tumbler holding, back-packing wearing, slipper donning and beautiful scenery, this is where i belong.

being here doesnt feel like a surprise or a disbelief, but rather an acknowledgemnt. an acknowledgement that im at home here and feels right.

coffee is a drug. it doesnt wake me up or keep me alert but put me in a state of serenity and stoning. its crucial for survival.

people here seems so different and all so talented in their own ways. last night i caught an aweseom german band Die Roten Punkte. They were really entertaining and some of their songs were really good. and there was this guy in the audience wearing a hat of a bear head that had connecting paw mittens.

i want to be smart and talented and special. i want to be involved in school as i was in jc. i want to be able to juggle all that and be like the super people here. i want to be confident, sexy and talents. and i know that will happen. its going to be impossile for me to lie low and be quiet.

people here ar ereally particular about what they eat and stuff. they gym a lot, to keep in shape. for some of them gymming and salds are a dailty ritual.

i need to shave my legs.

if i am loud and amazing in an asian country and culture, will i be similarly amazing in a western country? i dont think its the same. its like the choir and drama dilemna - too loud in choir and too quiet in drama. but you know what, i havent compared choir and drama like that in ages. i dont have to prove myself, or make myself different to accomodate to the opinions of others about me.

i can understnad why so many asians die their hair blonde or have blonde higlights and wear so much makeup. its makes then easier to have fun. you come across cooler, prettier and this really helps you get to the cool and partying people. asians tend to clique together and when you see one asian who is like normal looking in a group of caucasians, you kinda think omg she's trying so hard. but if she had blonde highlights, she's one of them.

no one fidgets in lectures at all."

i dunno. i want to be special you know? i dont want to be just another asian. anoter boring and studious asian. there are pratically no asians in the drama club.

and omg the improv here is fantastic. i swear. i have av video. that video doesnt do justice to what they do. they are so awesome. and i really like the guy in a white long sleeve shirt and black vest. he's probably gay. chee bye. but he's super sexy in a smart way.

people here get arrested for protests oyu know? like for one of the arrrest, like 19 people got arrested. and one of them i think was from amaerica, so when he tried to corss the border into canada, they stopped him. he was suppsed to make a student visa beforehand but for the past 2 years of school he has been making it on the spot at the airport but this time they detained him. and so he cant come to school and still stuck in america.

my psych proff told us that it didnt matter if we're pretty or ugly because everyone will be graded equally so we shouldnt offer him sex.

i need to finish plato's gorgias by monday. and its super boring.

school's started and im feeling really empty. is this what people with no ccas feel like?

i want to be a residence advisor next year. they're basically 2nd year and above students who stay in first year dorms to give advice and help organise parties. they have free housing and food at the dorm, their room is bigger with a much bigger bed, and they get paid like $5,500 at the end of the school year. i think it's a pretty good deal. i mean you make wonderful friends with the other resident advisors from the other floors. the problem is its pretty rare for girls to be a resident advisor in the 2nd year. and so im going to run for floor rep. which is basically representative for the floor, and like work with the resident advisors (there's one every floor) to organise like events for the floor or work with all the floor reps and the resident advisors to have a house event. which would be pretty cool.

i want to join improv. auditions are end of this month. so please wish me luck. i've never really seriously done improv. and poeple here are like super experienced in it, like thye have like high school competitive teams for improv.

so hows school/life for the rest of you?

and please REPLY me! so i know you guys aren dead! call you guys all sleeping. lol.

oh i went for my first football game today. and omg i didnt even know what was going on. haa. but it was cool. all the stands were yelling cheering or hitting their clapper things. it was cool.

i need to make more friends with similar interests.

there is a list of 90 things to do before you graduate from UBC on the year's first issue of the student newspaper. here goes:

1) find the Ubyssey, the student newspaper in the basement of the SUB (student union building)
2) smoke marijuana in behind Totem Park (enchanted forest)

*sidetrack. for my english class we had to write a diagnostic essay for him to see what our writing standards were. and it was 'should marijuana be legalized' and i have never written the word marijuana before and i thought he wrote it as marijwana. and that was how marijuna was spelt in my whole essay! omg hahahahah*

3) jump off the highdive while hammered at night
4) jump off the highdive while hammered and naked at night
5) join the hippy circle at the Grassy Knoll (a grassy hill near the SUB)
6) awkardly avoid the hippy circle at the Grassy Knoll
7) Take a nap at the swimming pool between classes
8) Break into the steam tunnels and explore them
9) Live in residence
10) Have sex in residence (whether living there or not)
11) go to a fraternity party
12) hit on the Blue Phone (emergency phone lines) while hammered and run away
13) break into a construction site, get spotted by the security, run away, lose your friend while running, stop in the middle of the street, look suspicious, and then run through a bush and trip on your face, then try to hide in a hedge while the RCMP (royal canadian mountain police) pull their taser on you and detain you
14) shucking your clothes on Wreck Beach
15) getting chaed by campus cowboys
16) jumping on the bouncy bushes on University BLVD sober
17) jumping on the bouncy bushes on University BLVD drunk
18) skaeboard/longboard down all 5 levels at the Rosegarden Parking lots
19) breaking into Nitobe Garden while high/drunk
20) break into the pool and jump off the highest diving board
21) using the excuse "but my last class was on the other side of campus!" when late for class
22) get arrested while protesting to save a pile of dirt
23) piss off the private residences who decided to live on a parting University campus
24) get lost on campus
25) get lost in the Endowment Lands
26) take a course because you just love studying the subject
27) take a course because you've heard it's a breeze
28) join the Ubyssey and take photos
29) have sex not in a residence (suggestion: club office, washroom that lock from the inside, on top of Koerners Pub)
30) go to the Radical Beer Faction (RBF) party
31) visit every building at least once
32) drink a beer in class
33) fall asleep in your favourite lounge
34) go to a Pit night
35) opt out of the health plan
36) buy your textbooks online
37) walk through through the Pacific Spirit Park
38) find steam tunnels while hammered (be safe please)
39) have a drink/lounch socially with a prof
40) protest something with the Student for a Democracy Society (SDS)
41) protest for something in writing in the Knoll
42) run for office as a joke candidate
43) take a nap on the disgusting SUB couches
44) take a nap in a library (the air is thinner so that the books dont light on fire)
45) eat at the deli
46) eat at the pendulum
57) eat at pie r squared

* i just realised they completely skipped 47-56.*

58) eat at the pit while not drinking
59) eat at the pit while drinking
60) eat at the pit while drinking heavily and hitting on someone you barely know
61) ride a bike to school
62) take the bus to school
63) ride an emu to school (or a bike)
64) join a drum circle on Wreck Beach
65) hit up a bzzr garden from every faculty
66) fall mysteriously ill on monday, april 20
67) watch the UBC Improv team
68) check out the CiTR these too-cool kids that do that radio thing upstairs in the SUB
69) abuse your u-pass by using it to go one block
70) wait one full day in the bookstore line without ever making a purchase
71) arrice late for an exam. yes. it will happen. no, you'll never stop kicking yourself for it
72) overdoes on energy drinks
73) same goes for Jager-bombs
74) and while you're at it, beer too
75) take magic mushrooms at Wreck Beach
76) attend an AMS council meeting
77) get thrown out of an AMS council meeting after shouting "Power to the people" incessantly
78) take a dip in the fountain outside the Irving K Barber
79) play hide and seek with your special someone across the campus
80) run to class
81) when someone is running to class call out "Run Forest! Run!"
82) check out the market housing on the south of cmapus
83) protest market housing
84) make plans to live in market housing
85) talk to your professors about something that has nothing to do wiht your course
86) read the Ubyssey bi-weeky
87) comment on the Ubyssey's website
88) relax and read for hours in the library
89) check out the oldest building on campus (the main library)
90) celebrate the Ubyssey being 90!

oh yeah. please check out 'the rocky horror show' i love the songs! ((: search it on youtube.

sept 7th

i was talking to my dad last night and i think the conversation we had was the most advice and fatherly he has been in ages. i told him that people are so awesomely talented here and im so afraid to like try out for stuff like improv because you know, what if i dont get it? and he was like then just have fun. if you want to win, the chances are that 99% you wont. but if you want to have fun, and winning isnt so important, then 99% you will have fun. and then i was like but then thing is i often screw up at auditions that i really really want. then he was like then dont care what other people think. there are thousands of people in school, they cant possibly remember everyone (actually they can but still). he says for the improv just go for it. if you have to do something stupid and funny just do it. dont care what people think but you're not yourself on stage so you have no need to be embarrased. you're someone else, another character. so yeah.

sometimes i really want someone to talk intimate stuff you know? and i know its too early to say whether i will find that group of friends here, but i think i will. i know i will.

for me i know that i cannot be too eager but its totally puts people off. i mean like im sort of like acting cool.. in my opinion.. haha ok i dont think im that cool yet. but like there's this girl who's only 17 this year (a year younger than most of first years) and she tries so hard to make everyone remmeber her. like she actually went around and knocked on all the doors and tried to introduce herself really loudly. there is a sign on all our doors that have our names and she put glitter on all the sings on the side of her floor (thank god mine didnt have the sign coz i was redoing my door or i would have gotten so irriated with her) and she just does attnetion seeking things. and then thing is i kinda think that she was crying in the bathroom like on friday night. i mean its hard, but you dont have to try so hard because there will be people who will like you for you.

and i know that for myself the first few days that i was here i completely just rejected and ignored everyone, because i wasnt prepared to be myself and share myself with everyone. i was prepared emotionally to make new friends. but now its much better. i say hi to people, smile at people, ask them whats going on. i even talk to the service people like the cashiers (everyone does that). i think being depressed and super negative for a few days kinda kicked me in the ass and now im feeling pretty good about myself. im my sociable self again and thats good.

i mean there are instances where when i walk with kyrstin, my ang moh friend on the floor, and other ang mohs walk by and ask a question, they dont look at me at all. or even yesterday's fund raising, the boys didnt come to find out myine or the other asian's names when they asked all the other ang mohs girls names in the group. i dont think they're being racist, but more of not knowing how to behave around other races. thats what i think and thats what i am going to believe. maybe they're afriad we dont speak english and if they started talking to us, we'd have an akward conversation in english. or maybe they're afriad we have wacko asian names that are difficult to pronounce. i dont know. but i do know that its hard. but i dont really care (:

last week when my philosophy prof told us to write a philo esssay about our philosophy of life, i didnt think i had anything. but now, looking back i think my philosophy on life is to be always optimistic and giving and be yourself. i dont think there is a name for that or even if it comes from a school of thought but whatever (: that is my philosophy for life. (:

im really excited about joining clubs. clubs dont really start til end of the month. ok so im planning on joining sprint. so im meeting the track coach this tuesday and i need to drop by the head coach for track's office to intoduce myself as well sometime this week. choir audition dates are out sometime mid august, and you can get credit if you're a non-music major if you join a choir!! its so cool!! haha and im trying out for improv end of this month, and im really excited about joinin because the presidents is CUTTEEE!!! (((: please check out my video to see how cute he is. HE IS THE ASIAN GUY IN A WHITE LONG SLEEVE AND BLACK VEST IN IMPROV AT TOTEM VIDEO (: AND im thinking of joining like drama club, but im going to check out their shows first. their next show is an original play, A Snowflake on the Tongue of Oberon, a shakesphearen styled play. its like a sequel to midsummer. so that'll be inreresting. all the good plays are done by the fine arts acting people so yeah (:

sept 8th

I SIGNED UP FOR POLE DANCE TODAY!!!! ((((: im so stoked about starting it end of the month.

AND EVERYONE I GOT 5/6 FOR MY LANGUAGE PROFICIENCY INDEX!!! (((: my heart is still beating damn fast AND im still smiling like an idiot haha.

im going to pick up my sociology reader later and im going to pop by the head coach of track and field to intorduce myself and stuff.

im sorting my resume and writing a cover letter coz i want to apply to be a usher at the chan centre which is a concert hall/ theatre. they pay $13.03/hr so i hope i get it. i need to vacuum my room but the vacuum cleaners arent here yet so i cant borrow any. i keep hearing someone vacuuming on my floor but i have yet to find out who that vacuum noises belong to. im going to drop by the music centre as well to check out when the choir audition dates are

and omg i totally am such a procrastinator! i was planning to finish all my reading on saturday BUT i didnt and ended up not going to Metrotown, which is this big assed shopping mall far far away on sunday. and i only finished my reading like at 11.30pm. and i went and gymmed for half an hour! im so proud of myself!! and im not eating junk food like chips and burgers all day long! the salad bar here is pretty good so im eating quite a bit of salads ((:

i still dont know a lot of people but im still feeling pretty happy (: im not owing homework and im managing my time pretty well i must say haha (: and im especially happy now coz i passed my english test!! (: haha so HAPPYYY (:

today has been so far the best day of my UBC life.

- i wasnt sleepy during bio lecture today (okay i did snooze a bit for the first place of philo lecture until i found a lollipop in my pocket and that woke me up)
- had someone i knew sit with me in soci lecture
- felt good about myself in english
- GOT A 5/6 FOR MY ESSAY IN LPI!!
- signed up for pole dancing
- exercised last night
- arranged to have a meeting with track coach tml
- finished all my work/reading due today
- not bored of school yet
- submitted my cover letter and resume for that part time front of house job
- bought super cool posters to put in my room
- was just in time to sign up for the last audition slot for choir which is in 2 hours time!!!

I CANT HELP IT! ITS SUCH A GREAT DAY TODAY

i think its because i finally exercised like for real last night. the exercise god has finally shined his light on me (:

wish me luck for the choir aud!

*later that day*

ok choir aud went alright, except that there were a lot of music majors who auditioned for it and like they would get priority coz they need the credits to pass a year.

OH btw yesterday was a great day as well BECAUSE RICHARD LAM (AKA THE IMPROV PRESIDENT AKA THE CUTE GUY IN WHITE LONG SLEEVE AND BLACK VEST IN MY IMPROV AT TOTEM VIDEO) WALKED PAST ME YESTERDAY!!! ((((:

anyway

i was so nervous at the choir aud that i couldnt breathe properly. i was like hypervnetilating, and couldnt reach all the high notes. and like obviously from not singing properly in a year, i became extrmely airy. well i'll know on thursda whether im in or out

AND

like i got an email from the guy i was emailing from track and he told me there's a track and field and country TEAM meeting like on the 24th of september.

and its like tryouts are only in october, so its like what if i dont make it because there are people ike this:

http://communities.canada.com/theprovince/blogs/high_school_hamper/archive/2008/04/16/multi-event-whiz-pattison-seeks-to-repeat-as-b-c-heptathlon-champion.aspx

in the first year team.

and im meeting the sprint couach later so im really nevous as well. im damn scared he'll tell me "oh. im sorry but you're too.. you dont have tHe right form to be on the team"

IF HE TELLS ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT I WILL BE SO DAMN EMBARRASSED!!!

or something like that.

ang mohs here are damn athletic, so i dont know why i would want to join the team because its crazy.

SIGH. i need to run tonight again.

*later that day some more*

anyway

one more thing about yesterday's choir aud. the guy asked me to sing a song because i guessed he knew i was super nervous. i sang for good and he was smiling and said see you can sing when you're not so nervous. SO IM HOPING TO GET IN!!

ok.

i went to meet the sprint coach and omg. they train everyday except for friday. so the plan is like this

mon, wed 4.30-6.30pm hardcore sprint training
the coach will correct your techingque and stuff

sat 10.30am-12.30pm hardcore sprint training on a slope
ditto.

tues, thurs and sun own time own target
there's like this thing called tempo training. its in your own time but a set and of stuff you need to do which is not hardcore but to strengthen your muscles. im supposed to gym but since i'm not from a track team before the coach told me not to worry first he'll teach me at a later date (i think he's seeing whether i migh drop out)

apparently there are a lot of people who applied for team tryouts this year. and every year like there are nationals at seattle, and only like one or two van, thus limited seats. so only the best get to good.

and the training on mon and wed clash with my last lecture which ends at 5pm so the coach was slightly miffed by it but i guess he's still encouraging about me joining the team. he's not actually part of the ubc track team, but i think a few years back he trained some people with no experience and they got good enough to be on the ubc track team. so im really looking forward to a lot of pain.

oh and fri is my off day.

if i get choir it'll fit. just that my monday and wednesday would be chee bye super hectic. haha but i love it that way. so i will have

0800 Biol lectue (50mins)
1100 Soci lecture (50mins)
1200 Engl class (50mins)
1500 Choir (50mins)
1600 Phil lecture (50mins)
1700 Track training (2 hours)

its not THAT bad right? i mean drama was something like that as well. just that i dont think there are people crazy like me

oh and did i mention im trying to onto the school newspaper staff? currently im only a volunteer but if i can get 3 of my articles published and come for 3 staff meetings then i can become a staff. i cant make it for the staff meetings coz it clashes with class on wednesday so i dont need to fulfil that requirement. i've submitted 2 things to my editor. im currently writing for the culture column. okay check it out and please tell me what you think. its supposed to be funny and like an anecdote.

"
Just a short introduction about myself: I was born in Vancouver, BC and was raised right here at UBC. I migrated to Singapore when I was six and had been living there since then. Finally after months of stalking the UBC website, I am finally here, and I am extremely estatic.

From a couple of days of trend spotting and trying to figure out what people here in Vancouver wear and do, I have come up with a list of things that people here do that people (or rather I) in Singapore don’t do:

1) Wear back packs
People in Singapore usually use sling bags and most people would get a Crumpler bag. I don’t know really. Backpacks seem like such a nerdy thing to lug around back home. Backpacks are practically extinct.

2) Carry tumblers around
People here drink a lot of coffee and really care about the environment. I actually worked at a coffee place back home and for the 9 months I was working there, I never had to do a personal order. I doubt we’re even trained to handle people who bring in their own tumblers.

3) Wear shorts and flip-flops
I know its one thing to wear that combination in hot weather, but in temperatures such as these?! People in Vancouver must be made of steel.

4) Protest
It’s illegal to protest (or rather you have to get permission from the government but the government almost always says no) in Singapore, as well as chewing gum, tree climbing and drug possession. It seems kind of fun, even the whole getting arrested part.

Those are just a few off the top of my head, and it’s interesting to see what I am allowed to do here. I could get stoned, be openly gay, get nude on the beach, protest, chew gum, climb trees, gather in groups more than six and not get judged and get into any major trouble.

It’s going to be such an awesome time here."

and

"I went gymming two nights ago, and felt fantastic. The next day was an awesome day; got all the course I wanted to do this term, signed up for pole dancing class, bought super cool posters for my room, managed to get that last audition slot for choir and saw that really cute guy from Improv near the SUB.

As I was gushing about my fantabulous day to my floor mates at the cafeteria, one of them stopped me and said, “Kathy, you mean you went to the gym right?”

“Yeah. Gymming.”

That was when I realised that the word ‘gymming’ doesn’t exist.

Another such scenario also happened at the caf. It was one of the earlier days of school and I was trying to get to know more people and make friends. I sat beside a girl I didn’t really know and started eating. A guy came towards the table and proclaimed to the girl next to me, “Oh my god, I just got jacked by my friends.”

When it didn’t seem to register in her head, he looked bewildered and asked, “Don’t you know what that means?”

This was where I decided to nod sagely and said matter-of-factly, “Yeah. Like Punk’d.”

This was where the both of them looked at me like I said I don’t eat salmon and chorused a very judging, “What?” My explanation got drowned in my salad

From where I came from, the word ‘gymming’ was never wrong in essays and if you got ‘jacked’, it meant you got tricked, like in Punk’d. The elevator is called the ‘lift’ and short hair covering your forehead is called a ‘fringe’, not bangs. I still don’t know what ‘jacked’ by your friends mean.

So either my whole nation was using English wrongly, or we just have our own thing going on. Whatever it is, I sure feel like I’m getting ‘jacked’ when people help me rediscover English.

So much for English being my first language."

so??? its it alright??

okay its only 7pm and im exhausted..

sept 10th

okay i am really sleepy today. i tried to keep awake during lectures but its not happening. my room is gross because i need to vacuum, and the communal vacuum is not here yet.

i sent my stories like yesterday and like my editor hasnt replied at all!! and he said that he checks like 12 times aday!! could it be because it sucks so bad?!!? GAH

im meeting the head head coach of track and field tml so wish me luck! haha im really intimidated.

yeah i know its kinda worrying that im doing all this stuff. i called home and told my dad the plans and he was liek why do you want to do some much stuff in your first year? you know you have 4 years right? and i was like yeah but i dont want to do something new every year. i want to just be in it. and my dream college scenario is to go to school, and be in track, drama and choir.

and maybe editorial board.

i dont know. maybe im crazy. but i compromise! i dont go to crazy late night parties. i go to the library during my free periods to study and read up.

and btw i have an analogy about the library thing. if i were in singapore, the library would be the last thing i would do because i could always go and look for you guys and disturb you. i think that was the major reason whyi didnt study at all. because i was distracted by all of you. not a bad thing thats my problem. but here, i dont have people/friends to get distracted by. no one asks me out for dinner. no one asks me to go clubbing. no one asks me to go watch or movie

or rather no one i really care about

so im not obligated/excited/want to go and socialize. so i study and do my reading. and i love the library! because there are computers here as well but you cant use them for too long because there's a line to use the computer.

like beside there is this couple who are trying to study but they totally cant because they keep talking to each other. yeah thye keep telling each other okay stop talking to me or ok we need to study. but i cant feel that they are still distracted by each other. they'll still notice that the other is twirling her hair or the other started smiling at something

do you get what i mean? so i guess its good for now

and im planning to try out the track thing for a month. ok maybe two months because tryouts are next months and if i dont get onto the actual track team, i'll train with the rest of them for maybe a month more. im not a quitter. but i think i just want to see whether i can run fast and i have established with the sprint coach that that is why i want to try out for track.

i mean i know of people on my floor who are completely distracted. what with mixing her own music or trying to make everyone notice her, and they arent gettign ANY work done. and im worried. because i dont even dare to miss any class now because one class makes SUCH a big difference. and i need to read or i'll be like completely ignorant in the lecture. and i hate it that everyone else has such great big opinions and when you give your own opinion, they either (a) give you a dirty look that you disagree or (b) give you a dirty look coz maybe what i said was stupid. but i've never been really opinionated or been prompted to thikn about philosphies or even how does society function. and i feel so slow and stupid compared to everyone else. GAH. i guess i need to read more. and faster. haah

i mean like im reading plato's gorgias, and im just thinking what IS the whole point of reading this book? its this dialogue between Socrates and Gorgias and two of his disciples, so its really like a play from ancient Athens. but im just like, okay yeah i know what Socrates is trying to say, that this whole discussion is about the way we live life. but are we going to use this book? what is the PURPOSE of this book? because Gorgias is being SUCH an ass by not explaining, by giving vague answers and thus Socrates has to dig the answers out of him WHICH IS WHY THE BOOK IS SO CHEE BYE LONG!.

gah. i hate the book. but im getting through it. i kinda finished half thebook already, but realised i remembered nothing/ little about it and so im starting from the top and taking down qoutes i find important (or stupid) that either Gorgias says or Socrates says and that kinda helps me remember better.

and i dont think first year is about playing. i want to work towards an honours. but like. for exmaple my english class is such a bore and like omg. i dont know what direction my prof is taking it. SO. im meeting ALL my prof by next week to talk to them and ask them questions. im going to go to see the bio TA tml to ask him questions. and soci next mon. i really need to understadn to move on

sept 11th

(this is going to be a emo RANT. you have been warned)

i didnt get the choir.

i know i kinda expected it, being so nervous and so many music majors auditioning as well, but

its hard.

it just seems like there's an empty hole in me. like something is missing from me not being in a choir. and i miss that rush when you sing in a choir and chords fit.

its who i am. being in choir. im always the choir girl. or the drama girl in choir. its part of my identity. so now im not in choir, what do people call me? the asian girl who looks like the other milion asians? ...

...

and too think that if i had gotten into acjc through choir meant anything at all. thank god i didnt appeal into ubc through choir. i probably wouldnt have made it in at all.

i know im not one of the best in choir, but i know that i can sing. and i guess being big shot in a small fry country doesnt mean much in a big shot country.

and you know what?

screw it all. i dont have to follow who and what i was back in singapore. i'll create a new identity for myself

today i was at the editorial office the whole afternoon. i hadnt planned on staying so long, but the media guy was teaching me how to edit videos on the mac so i stayed and learned.

and i want so badly to belong to somewhere. really. i need somewhere a place where i can run to and be the big shot and be the casual one and not the frightened and paranoid person im feeling right now

geez. i sure change opinions really fast huh?

so in the end i was the camera girl. and i saw this really cute asian guy who used to be the photographer but is doing the sports section now. (ITS HOPELESS IM NOT GOING TO MARRY AN ANGMOH. MY HUSBAND IS MOST PROBABLY GOING TO BE AT MOST HALF ANG MOH AND MOST PROBABLY CANADIAN BORN CHINESE)

and i like being the camera girl. yeah i dont play much of a role, but no one wants to do it. so i like it. there's this girl from colorado who has worked with like major television stuff and its crazy.

im such a nobody here. i dont know anyone. i dont have background in track. i have never performed improv. i wasnt in my high school editorial board. i cant make it into choir.

SO WHAT THE HELL AM I GOOD AT ANYWAY?!

...

so you know what? screw all that.

i dont have to be my old self. im in a new country, maybe anew me would be good. i should flirt. and fucking get a boyfriend by end of the term. i dont understand why i dont attract the opposite sex. or why i dont appeal to ANYONE AT ALL. what do girls do anyway to get a boyfriend? GAH.

im feeling so internally muffed

sept 15th

OKAYY.

im being completely exhausted these few days, and so im trying not to get too over excited about things here because its super draining. haha. the most recent weekend has been a complete waste of time. i went on a bio field trip on sat which i felt was a waste of time coz i had to travel and stuff. yesterday sunday was a waste of time coz i signed up for the international peer program and spent my whole day at the aquarium and the park and shopping. i know its not a waste of time, but i could have spent my time on my enormous pile of reading. oh well.

this is going to be a quick update coz like i need to catch up on reading.

sprint practice starts from next monday, so i've been trying to run everyday to get used to the 6 day practice week. i think my body's in for a whole lot of pain.

my interview to be an usher at the chan centre is this sunday, and i hope i get it. i had to retype my resume to make it more formal looking because they're really big on resumes and stuff and i had to do a cover letter, which is this letter where its more personal, like you write on why you are suited to that specific job. the interview session is 2 hours long, consisting of an introduction to the chan centre, a written interview, an oral interview, interactive exercise and a Q&A session. seems like such a big thing huh? yeah haha. i never had such an elaborate job interview before so i really hope it'll go fine.

i need the job coz i kinda overspend my emergence money by a $1000. haha yeah. i need to put back some of the money.

girls on my floor are the pretty quiet ones generally. i mean there is this girl who suddenly starting organising movie nights and stuff coz she's running for floor rep. she's really loud and noisy. i know she's a nice girl and great person, but just doesnt know when to be quiet and stuff. she's ALWAYS enthu. (omg. i know how you guy feel about me early school mornings) haha yeah. i doubt she studies much.

but im doing all my work. trying to make connections with the profs. my bio TA is really cute so im only going for his time slots for consultation (and also the prof's consulation times clash with my class on wed so that sucks). im seriously dreading english class because my prof always sounds like he's on pot and that he's talking slowly and like.. gorillaz'a sunshine in a bag? yeah. something like that.

oh i dont think im going to volunteer for the editorial board until i've gotten more adapted to school and feel more confident in going on and meeting all those big shots. i mean i dont have to go down to the office to write stuff. they send news pitches a day beofre production day twice a week, so i could just pick a news pitch, write it, and see how it goes. that would make more sense then to just go down to the editorial board every monday and thursday and waste my time there. i will only go if i do have the time to waste.

im helping with the pride people. so im thinking of applying for the social coordinator and the to be the editor in chief during Outweek issue of the school newspaper in Feb. that sounds so cool (: i hope they arent miffed that im not gay or something haha.. there's a meeting today that clashes with my class but im going to meet them after my class ends so thats cool (:

i think a main reason why my time is so much better managed now is because i dont have friends. haha. i know that sounds so bad. but i mean friends who i can totally hang out with and spend time together just doing nothing. basically. its because i dont have you guys here. haha. its not a bad thing. its just me i guess. i get distracted really easily. i think back and think of all the time i wanted to study but got distracted and went to disturb other people. here. i am the frigging mature one who doesnt drink or smoke or party crazy. yeah i have crazy ideas still but i say no to so much stuff

the amount of work i've done like these 3 weeks is defintely the most work done i've done in.. 6 years? hahahahaha. omg. i really have been slacking. but i really feel good about completing an assignment/ reading. its less stressful for me as well during lectures coz i would understand everything (:

and its okay. im past the 'i need a man' phase. it was during my period. go figure. haha

and so because the pride people were having a meeting during one of my classes, right after the class i went to check out the meeting and found out i got sworn in as the EDITOR IN CHIEF for the pride-ubyssey issue next feb during outweek ( a awareness week about gay/transexual people) and as a social coordinator. which is pretty cool. and i dont have to be gay! (: so im on the exec committee. which is scary and pretty cool haha. they meet every moday night at 6.30pm for discussion and stuff, so if i really get into the sprint training and stuff i can only go after that.

this friday my floor is throwing a pirate party, becasue its international talk like a pirate day and a floor mate and i decided that since we dont get invited to parties, we should bring the party to us. haha. so hopefully then we'll get invited to parties. (: and just a sidenote, the other girl who is damn frigging hyper and is also running for floor rep, heard about it, and then ran around the floor telling everyone about the party, and now everyone thinks that it was her idea. i know im sounding impolite and stuff but i HATE it when that happens. she is so frigging like organising stuff to be floor rep and i think everyone is going to vote for her!! ): i know its not as big thing, but being floor rep gives you extra points towards being a resident advisor next year. and i want to be one! OKAY. shant be all sour about it. haha

*later that day*

i just randomly decided that i wont do work today, and it feels great. i mean i have a lot of work to do, but like i have the whole day off tomorrow after 9.30am and i know i will be studying the whole day tomorrow and im feeling so content now. it feels good not have to think of studying and just enjoying. its always i have an internal fight between the two. i dont even know how i came to the decision of not doing work tonight. haha. but its a good decision because my soul so needed the break. and even though i didnt do anything much, its just good i give myself some ME time. (:

im starting to really like school, like even the studying. soci is really interesting, like how it evolves and how like everyone thought the early thinkers were crazy. socrates was accused of corrupting the young and stuff, its kinda sad and funny at the same time.

i missed a bio reading quiz online and like i cant take it! its accounting to like 25% of my marks and im emailed the prof and asked her for the qeustions for the sake of educating myself and not for the marks. now i know i have to do my bio test during the weekend no matter what.

i've decided that i'm going to volunteer with the editorial board i will only do so on thursday. (: and the ubsyssey (pronounced as "ubc" and its the name of the school paper) is having a bonfire next tuesday night. im really psyched. i hope the sport editor will be there. he's really cute (:

and the track team is having a rookie night next friday. im not sure whats it about but i really appreciate them like invovoling everyone who is like keen on joining. there's like 60 people who signed up for track this year! haha its crazy. but im really pysched. (:

i just need to prioritise stuff. like tomorrow. i need to finish my bio project (all the forest photosyou see and guys commenting the speicies of the organism) tml, and start on plato's apology (yes its a different book. its like a different book EVERY WEEK!)

sept 17th

im just going to gush. because im in a typing mood now haha

there's like a resident coordinator for our house, who is like this senior person who has been a resident advisor (in charge of a floor) for a couple of years. the rc for my house is johnston, and he's this really tall sporty/geeky kind cute asian guy. and omg. he frigging has a fan club on facebook which consists of 40 people. and dont worry im not on that facebook group. yet. haha no im kidding i wont go and join it. but like there's a mini whiteboard on his door, and i wrote "hey sexy" on it. it was there for a week. and this week it was "hey johnston, you brighten up me day!" and im just like OMG i have competition!!! hahahaahahahah. but yeah. he's pretty cute. there are at least 8 people on my floor who finds johnston amazingly cute/hot. haha.

and i messaged the improv pres a few days ago about improv andhe replied!!! okay this doesnt really count coz its about work.. but he replied!!! hahaha omg.

and here's the link that has the improv pres.

http://www.new.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=30764737233

he's the one wearing WHITE LONG SLEEVE and BLACK VEST.

and im out. (:

*later that day*

me being like asian here its pretty intimidating on a daily basis like in normal life. i feel more intimidated in doing something that they are good at. it like they are so good at what they do and im joining, thinking that i am and they'll like laugh at me or something. i dont know. i dont know how to explain it to you, but i just feel really intimidating by the ang mohs. they always have more to say, and are just so confident of theirselves. i frigging stutter in lectures now. i dont know. maybe i need to get out more. and make ang moh friends haha.

and im missing mooncake fest! ):

these fews days are club days, so basically people show their clubs and stuff. haha. and since on the pride exec, i need to be down at the booth. and there is such thing as asexual. GLORY! i know you arent but yeah there is. there's something called pansexual as well. lol.

im having a really busy week next week. i signed up for improv tryouts. its next tues. there's the editorial board bonfire next tuesday as well so im going for it afterwards.

wednesday i have sprint training and after that there is a track and field/ x-country meeting at 7pm.

thursday i have an audition for a series of david ives one act plays in the morning ((: and the weird shakespeahrean styled play that is the sequel to midsummers at night.

friday is the track team rookie night, and its kyrstin my friend's birthday so im bummed i cant celebrate her age of legal alcohol drinking (you have to be 19)

sat sprint training and day of long baot. an annnual event at ubc involving long baot competition. haha (: yup. improv seems really intimidating (yes i know im being super intimidated by so much stuff here) but i guess i just have to forget self and engage.

didnt run today coz my muscles ache. will continue running tomorrow.

sept 18th

OKAY
i know all of you are going to like kill me. okay maybe just be like 'haiyo kathy!'

yesterday was club day and i have joined:
1) track
2) improv
3) players club
4) pride ubc
5) philosophy club
6) psychology club
7) singapore club
8) the ubyssey
9) the radical beer faction
10) gilbert and sullivan club

okay i cant remember the 9th one!! haha omg im so going to die!!! but i have a reason for all the clubs

1) coz i wanted to run
2) coz improv is cool and i wanna challenge myself to do it
3) i can choose the projects and they're doing david ives!!
4) coz i want to fight for gay rights. now everyone is going to think im gay coz i was sitting on the booth. and also because im on the comm thingy
5) & 6) i wanna go for lectures. i dont have to do all the socials andstuff.
7) coz im rom singapore and i nned spicy food.
8) coz i wanna write (: and eventually gain experience to do a masters in journalism
9) coz its cool
10) they;re the musical group. and also project based so it depends (:

YUP. im having a full college life. in fact im at the ubyssey office now and its pretty cool (:

sept 19th

its the last day of club days and im sitting at the pride booth. and seriously speaking, im kinda uncomfortable about it. sitting here at the pride booth would only mean one thing - that you're gay. its just an assumption that people make when they see someone at the gay booth. i mean seriously, why would a straight person be sitting there at all? and my bio TA saw me there but i hope he doesnt remember me from that one time i went to look for him.

im here because in equal rights and that true love can happen despite whatever gender we have. and where nothing is happening in singapore, it doesnt really matter if you had strong opinions about it because it doesnt matter. no one really cares about it there. but here. people are open and i mean really open. and yesterday when i hung out with a couple of them, i felt uncomfortable. big time. like seriously. and i dont know whether i know what im getting myself into.

like at the booth. people walking past will look at you and then look at the booth and then make that assumption that you're gay. even my fellow exec people thought i was lesbian, until i said that i was straight. and like there was this girl who signed up at the booth for the mailing list, she kinda looked at me, giggled a bit and told me that her name was brendan by the way. and i was like, oh. hi. haha.

and i dont want to be assumed gay! i know you wll tell me then why in the eworld would you join the rpide club and be assumed that way? i dont know. lol.

sept 20th

okay i went downtown yesterday afternoon to shop (friday afternoon. shops usually close at 6pm but on fir and sun night they close at 9pm)

my class ended at 2pm, and then i went shopping after that. the plan was to make it back in time for the football game at 7pm. we left downtown at 9pm lol.

and okay. like one of the weird incidents i had there was this guy in a shop which sold like punk stuff. he was dressed up as a pirate, and because my floor was having a pirate party later that night (which flopped. more later) i was like omg idd you buy that hat here?? and he was like no. and i was like oh man. and then he went on to tell me about this party at a lagoon like next weekend. and he gave me a postcard with all the details. and he was like, and i will give you this, (a $50 ticket to the party) if you help me with my tie. his tie was caught like with his necklace and he wanted his necklace in front of his tie. and so i did it. and later on when i asked me friend who went shopping with me but she wetn away to look at stuff whether it was safe to do that and she was like no. lol. so i told her next time she caitches me like being stupid and naive pull me away haha. so the website to the party is www.secretlakes.com

and omg i kept buying like really cheap stuff. i actually went into aldo and saw this really cute cream yellow bag and it was like $45. and i thught about it for a while and decided to buy it. when at the chasier, the bag was only $25! and i was like. how come the toal price (i bought a hairband as well) was like $42. and the girl at the counter was like oh these bags are under sale (((: and later i went into this aldo liquidation store were EVERYTHING was like half priced. omg. i didnt know, and bought this pair of white espadrilles for a tropical themed party the next day and it was like $20. when i went to the counter, it became like $10!! i went crazy. i stayed in the store trying to get another pair of shoes, but they frigging didnt have my size (9). there were this really bright orange, yellow, hot pink pumps that i really wanted. but they didnt have my size. and i didnt buy boots ):

i bought a bag at roxy which is really cute and so no discounted. when we went in it was like no body there and we were like wondering whether it was closed because there were like nobody there and like the door was closed. it was only 8.30pm and so we pushed open a door and this guy standing at the door wa slike hi. so i went upstaris, coz i needed a pair of flip flops

(BTW. it just frigging started to rain omg i should have bought a pair of boots!!)

and like there was practically no one there. i found out later from one of the people working there that someone robbed from the store. this guy just came in, grabbed some jeans and took off. and i was like wtf? yeahh.

okay and like later i went back residence and like the pirate party was a complete failure. the music was bad, people werent dancing, music wasnt loud enough. and so i went to find better speakers and found my ra's speakers which a frigging loud. but by the time i came back, all the people besides my floor girls were not there. and i was like seriously wtf. and then veronyka, the girl who became floor rep, was all this isnt my idea. it's kyrstin's idea (the other girl who came up with the idea) and she wasnt even there. and i was like seriously wtf. you wanted to fucking throw this party. you throw a bad party and blame it on someone else? wtf?? and then it becamse like another movie night, becuase for movie night you just need to turn on your laptop and do nothing else. seriously

so me and some other girls scoured aroung for some parties happening. along the way we met another of our floormates (who totally ignored us coz she was with her cool firneds) and chatted with one of the guys in the group

the thing is when we were in another house this big white guy in a baseball cap was just leering at one of the girls with me, and like we moved around a bit and he kept moving with us, still leering at her, until i just asked everyone to get out of the house.

so i told that guy about it and he was like thank god you're safe!! and he actually went on to tell us how a girl got raped last night in one of the houses. he's from that house and like a girl in the house on another floor told him about it. this girl stumbled in from the stariwell with her pants down to her knees and went into the toilet and just puked her guts out. and i was omg wtf. and he was like just be careful, coz this kinda thing really messes up your mind and stuff. and i was like thanks for the heads up.

and like then when i went into the commons block, i saw that creepy baseball guy playing pool with a floormate/ bio lecture mate of mine brie. brie was with her boyfriend of 3 weeks and 2 of his firends and that creepy baseball hate guy. so i went over and whispered and told her about the baseball guy, and she was ong but i know him (probably throught that stupid boyfriend of hers) and he came over and i said out loud oh so we're going to the pit ( a pub on campus) and the baseball guy was like i wanna go too and i was like sorry girls night out. and i continued to like pretend-whine that why werent they all 19 yet (legal age of drinking in bc) and he was like im 19 and im just like dude, sorry girls night out. and then i told brie about the raped girl as well. it may not be true but its safer to assume it si true. i told her i didnt trust her boyfriend or any of the boys here and that when she reaches back into her room to msg me. her boyfriend kinda like pushed her to like kiss and stuff and the thing is i think she likes him more than he likes her. so i really dont like him.

so i went to the pub with anu, this girl from mongolia/new york and she was the girl the baseball guy was leering at. the music there is awesome, but like the stupid frat boys from beta were there and like i heard stuff about them and they are no good. we had 2 shots, which were going for like 3.25 for one for either pornstar or polar bear. they were pretty good. so we started dancing. and like these guys came up and one of them started grinding anu from behind. 2 of his firned came over and like one of them grabbed me from behind and i was like wtf, grabbed anu and wmoved away. we later established that we dont want that to happen. and if that happens every again we just pull each other away. later on the way home she told me that the ang moh actually told him firend to try this. WTF. i know we're like the only asians in the fucking club, but that doesnt mean you can fucking use us.

and when i reached home i just collapsed on the bed and fell alseep, make up and all still on.

thats all for now (:

and

2008-08-21T16:33:00.000+08:00

im going to lose 15 kg by the time i come back in dec.

ok maybe 10 (:

i think

2008-08-21T16:32:00.003+08:00

im going to marry a band person.

like someone in a band, like my chemical romance and what not.

seriously, there's just something insanely sexy about a guy performing on stage (: playing an instrument, bonus if he sings (:

yup

(:

10 more days.

2008-08-16T23:12:00.002+08:00

its the 16th of august 2008 today.

10 more days before i get on that plane and fly off back to my homeland.

and to be truthful. im really getting emo. amidst all the excitement of finally going to my dream school.

i promise i wont get emo. i just need to get it out of my system.

ok here it goes.

what if i dont like it there?
what if i cant fit in?
what if i cant make friends?
what if i cant study?
what if i miss home too much?
what if the people there are childish and stupid?
what if i dont like what i study?
what if i really miss people here?
what if i fall into the deep dark shit hole of drinks, drugs and sex?
what if i get pressured into doing something i would never do and regret forever?
what if i cant make friends?!

what if i change?
what if i come back and i cant click with people anymore?
what if the people here change?

i dunno. its just that you know if the people here cant make friends then they still have their old friends to meet up and chill you know? but im going to CANADA. where no body else goes to. its so far away! and practically no one i know there. because no one goes to canada.

what if do things i regret later to fit in? like drink, do drugs, have sex. im sure people there do it all the time. and they're all 18. and sound super childish and stupid on the facebook discussion boards.

im going to miss everyone here. really. im going to miss the spicy food. the cheap food. my family. the friends i can call and just meet up for a chat. friends who get me and vice versa. the lousy weather. everything.

ok im done.

on the other hand im really excited! im finally leaving soon. firstweek is sooo frigging exciting. we're having bbq nights, movie nights, improv session, pool party at the indoor and outdoor swimming pool. there are so many football and basketball games going on that im going to catch. its so awesome. oh oh and there's a muggle quidditch tournament on the last 2 days of firstweek. its going to be awesome (:

love you guys (:

ARGH

2008-08-05T18:44:00.002+08:00

today

has been a very trying day. dont ask me why. i have no idea. i think from the start of the day i have be extremely irritated with my mom. might be how she keeps telling how useless i am, and how i waste their money. or how she disapproves me going out of the house and when i stay at home i cant do anything except skip rope to lose weight.

i am irritated at how she said that if i stayed at home and helped out my sisters' and brother's homework, i'll get my allowance back. i did that for like 2 weeks and all i got was $20. its not like i dont want to help. the thing is stop trying to get me to do it for money and then deny me the money when i have done the job.

and i dont even go out that often. i dont mind that i only take money when i go out. which is why i only took $20. but now you're trying to do it with everything.

I DONT KNOW.

i just know im fucking pissed off. she turns off the wireless all the time. she expects me to make my brother do my penmanship. she yells at me how lousy i am not doing well and thus forcing her to send me overseas to study which is so expensive and such a waste of my dad's money. i cant watch tv.

im only expected to mug for the english test i have to take in canada coz i didnt get a A for gp and to exercise to lose weight. thats all. thats all im supposed to do all day long.

and at the same time, im expected to be a role model for my 3 younger siblings. everything that goes wrong with them (etc, stealing, failing at subs, fighting) gets blamed on me. hello? i was a obedient child until jc. i am a completely different person compared to what i am in school. i dont swear. i share. i offer the good things in life to my parents first. why the fuck are you blaming me?!

and so im tired of thinking of the consequences. im tired of thinking if i act this way will someone get hurt, will someone be upset. im tired of thinking whether my actions will impact my siblings in a negative way. im tired of trying to be this someone who is obviously so hard to be

but the fucking problem is

i cant stop doing it.

PLAY

2008-07-27T21:19:00.002+08:00

ok so we went to PLAY last night.

oh we watched the david ives project last night and it was really good. glory made a pretty good washing machine but as i like to say she'd make a better refridgerator. haha. but she'd make a cool washing machine. i like timmy's piece, philedepia? it was really funny. i liked the script for that alot (:

and then after we went to PLAY. it was pretty cool. we went at 11pm to get our chop and then went to get dinner. at 12am it was really crowded inside. we got a jug of cranberry vodka, and then went out to buy beer

after drinking we went back in and started dancing.

ah ngim. ah liu does NOT dance like me!! i will not go on to describe how he dances. lol.

so after that. we had a round of tequila shots and i didnt partake in the second round. dont like the taste of tequila ever since i tried to get drunk and drank half a bottle fo tequila. lol

anyway

a few hours later, ah liu lost his wallet. then all of us went to find the wallet. in the end the bar tender had it lah. thank god everything was in it. and you know there was $25 some drunk guy prob dropped and i was trying to pick it up when the bartender saw it, scooped it up and put it into the tip box.

...

by the time the club closed at 4am, ah liu was gone case liao. we camped outside the 7eleven near the club, bought some food and the rest fell asleep.

some indian dude tried to rob us!

or so i thought/imagine

coz like the indian guy was like checking out the rest of them asleep and he didnt see me from his angle. how about the whole street is damn empty. after seeing them asleep he made a phone call and then he made his way towards the sleeping people. only when we saw me he kinda detoured away. lol

stupid people sleep somemore put their handphone outside in clear view! hmph

anyway at 6am we all were awake except ah liu and got a cab. ah liu couldnt wake up AT ALL.

so we had to carry him onto the cab. and the driver was damn anxious. he kept asking whether ah liu was drunk or was he going to vomit in his car. sigh

reaching ah liu's place we had to carry ihm up the stairs to his block. he still couldnt wake up. haflway up the stairs cannot take it and kinda put him on the ground. stupid boy was even smiling in his sleep lah.

and then i realised his pants were falling off. and that he didnt zip his fly

omg i laughed and laughed and laughed. then no strength to help carry him. so i whacked him until he woke up.

(:

and then send him home and then went home myself, reaching at around 7.30am

and then woke up for church at 10.30am

lol.

but PLAY was pretty good. they have really nice music (: so it was fun (:

gerard way and bert mccracken

2008-07-22T21:25:00.005+08:00

well in 2005.

which was just about the time i discovered The Used

Bert McCracken, Dan Whitesides, Quinn Allman, Jeph Howard

frontman Bert McCracken from The Used

and frontman Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance (MCR) were best of buddies.

like from this interview which i really love

you can see they're prob really chummy.

and i realised what a asshole Bert seems to be.

anyway. they stopped being friends a while after that. some say Gerard stopped doing drug and drinking and Bert didnt have someone to do that shit together so he got pissed off with Gerard and kept boycotting MCR. some say Bert said that Gerard's head was getting too big and changed so he didnt like to hang out with him.

but the thing is. MCR was famous first. and The Used kinda got famous coz Bert dated Kelly Ozbourne for a while, and later on Bert was great chums with Gerard. so. i dunno.

but whatev. i still love their music (:

my life as of now.

2008-07-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

i stay at home and bum in front of my laptop. i teach my brother penmanship in his alphabet, numbers and chinese brush strokes. i desperately wait for something to happen at home.

like today. i watched red cliff with my mom. it was really good. and i think zhang fengyi is really good.

he acted as cao cao in red cliff. and i really liked him in farewell my concubine. he was brilliant there.

and.

i would love to work with him someday.

and i know this sounds super snobby and stupid and knows-no-limit of me to say this.. but

i really really really really want to be a famous actress

i know i suck at acting. but im working on it. i really want it.

and deep down inside.

i know that i am going to be someone big one day

like how deep inside

i know that the pionner dep batch will all become big shot people some day.

like how some day.

i will make moving films. like how farewell my concubine moved the world.

omg i sound like some really stuck up stupid girl.

haha

more decisions

2008-07-17T22:27:00.001+08:00

i will stop being jealous

of all the talented, beautiful and fantastic people around me.
of all the things i want but cant get
of all the things i could have gotten if i had worked harder

i have decided

2008-07-14T11:46:00.002+08:00

that i will stop eating fast food and junk
that i will stop trying to accomodate everyone
that i will stop bumming at home
that i will stop being bored

and

that i will start painting
that i will start singing
that i will start cooking
that i will start moving my ass

yup

gerard way

2008-07-10T22:30:00.006+08:00

is so hot without his white make up and stuff (:

ok i guess he is KINDA hot with the bleached hair and white make up

BUT this

is like intense hotness! (:

i never knew he looked that good without make up!! (:

toilet-themed restaurant

2008-07-10T20:12:00.002+08:00

well apparently in China, there is this new toilet themed restaurant, where food is served in mini toilet bowls and the seats in the restaurant are toilet bowl seats.

i know its kinda cool

but i also think its pretty gross. hahahaha

thats all.

and btw. im extremely bored at home. any suggestions as to what i can do without spending much? ((((:

UBC Bound!

2008-07-05T17:53:00.002+08:00

today was the day where there was a gathering of students in singapore/ from singapore going to ubc.

and it was pretty good. it was at an alumni's place at eng neo ave. there were around 10 of us, the greatest number of us from singapore yet. i think no one is going to ubc (o) from singapore this year, but apparently last year there was quite a few of them.

oh i met a senior from acjc. i dont know whats her name haha but she was from sc, j5. she's doing arts now. cool eh? i like livia from choir is there as well. there's a singapore club so im prob going join that. (:

so i chatted with some of the people there. there were like 3 guys there but i didnt talk to either of them. a lot of them are staying at totem. yup.

we took a group photo. (: its pretty cool.

thats why i love ubc (:

what i've become

2008-07-04T19:26:00.002+08:00

under the expectations of society, people change who they are and how they behave.

we smile at people so we seem nice
we copy fashion styles to fit in
we laugh out loud in shrill voices at people's joke and appear jovial to look gay and happy
we keep silent to the bitchings we hear to protect ourselves
we hide our true feelings in company to pretend to be someone we're not.

my true laughter
is silent.

OMG

2008-07-04T15:57:00.002+08:00

today was the 2nd most bus ride i've had. (the worst was with the kid from hell)

ok its not THAT bad. but it was a stupid experience.

coz the guy beside kept poking me.

ok so im coming back from school and im sitting on the top deck and half sleeping. a few stops later a guy comes on, and i feel this icy cold finger poke me. i looked at him. there was no finger anywhere near me and there was no response from him so i guess he prob accidentally poked me. i carry on sleeping. and feel another icy cold poke from him a few minutes later. i open my eyes, and look at him. i mean, maybe we're old friends and he was trying to get me to remember him.

we're not old friends. i dont recognise him at all. i thought, oh maybe my bag's in the way. so i drag my bag towards me and i apologise to him. he ignores me.

and then i half sleep (which means i rest through half closed eyes)

and i saw his fucking hand come over to me and poke me with his fucking finger.

and i am like. wake up. give him dirty look. and go down stairs and told the bus driver the guy upstairs touched me. the bus driver stopped at the next stop went upstairs and asked him to apologise. the guy refused.

the bus driver came down to ask me whether i wanted him to call the police

(and this is the infuriating part of it all)

this middle age lady sitting on the bottom deck near where i was actually said this in chinese

"EH. some of us are rushing for time. faster drive the bus!"

...

she was frigging going to the market. and the bus driver didnt take that long.

and that let me to think about whether singaporeans would ever rise up to the occassion to protect the weak from harm. or even lend a helping hand. of course giving money is help, but how easy is that?

can singaporeans stop living obnoxiously in their own little worlds and maybe step to look at someone else's?

i have a confession

2008-07-03T21:57:00.004+08:00

during this long break from school waiting for uni.

i finished the all 3 seasons of nickelodeon's aang the avatar. the first season of hannah montana.

and i love hannah montana (:

i mean. all the episodes are kinda funny. miley cyrus is relativley scandalously free compared to the rest. and its cool watching her have this other side which is like this superstar.

and im in love with her latest single - 7 things.

i guess secretly since young i wished i was like this megastar. but like please in singapore how to be megastar and walk the red carpets? and in recent realisation i found out that maybe i aint that fantastic as i make myself to be.

OH WELL. im only 19. there's still so much more for me to go (:

i found it

2008-07-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

fuck

why do parents have to yell when something is wrong?

why do they yell when they can do something more constructive like fucking helping to find it??

...

i told them i just need time to find it. fuck.

FUCK.

i found it in my fucking room.

i lost my black file

2008-07-03T21:07:00.003+08:00

which contains practically everything important to me

my calendar of events
my UBC admission letter
my social insurance number
my canadian bank details
my birth certificate

and im feeling so fucking miserable now.

i bring it everywhere i go. and i always check whther i have it when i leave school. the last time i remember it was tuesday evening when i was leaving with rose to go home. i remember distinctively checking for it and putting it back into my bag. yesterday was a blur and all i know is that at night it wasnt in my bag. i figured it was in school.

but it wasnt.

and for some reason i lost my makeupstore eyeliner and ez-link card from the same bag as well. the big blue nike one.

but why? did i suddenly become careless? because fuckin hell i only lost all this stuff when i went back to school.

and even someone took my stuff, who the fuck would want to take my file??

OMG. i just fucking realised.

it has my bank account number on it.

...

but i dont think they can use it to do anything.

ok im thinking back

monday. i brought the laptop to school. walked home with dogs coz i met my dad at the bottom of the hill.

tuesday. i got my paycheck for allswell. didnt bring laptop. used the com to surf the net and check out uni stuff. i didnt transfer any files out of the vid cam. brought my mom's phone. went back with rose but waited for kester they all. dad picked me up from bottom of hill

wednesday.
wesnesday.

wednesday.

FUCK I CANT REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THAT DAY. ok. i didnt go into the deeesign studio much. coz i was bringing the tripod around. that means i didnt have chance to fumble with my stuff in the bag. ju had to rush off too after the last one. so how!?!? i frigging took the cab home.

BUT I DONT TAKE MY FILE OUT TO DO SHIT!..

why is this happening to me?!?!

is it karma/???

or fucking deeesign karma? getting back at me coz i didnt study!?!

and the thing is why am i fucking careless all of a sudden now.

...

fucking hell.

FUCK. i need my black file back.

im bored

2008-06-26T18:44:00.001+08:00

and i guess its inevitable that when one's bored

they play online games

like maplestory.

this is what happens when
you're jobless
penniless
bored
and living on top of a hill

you dont feel like going anywhere and you have nothing to do

thank god for mahjong later.

and my commitment next week.

i hope i get paid.

IM BACK!

2008-06-25T10:59:00.002+08:00

haha yes im finally back in singapore

where the temperature is surprisingly not as hot and humid
where i dont have to do my own laundry AND wash the dishes (i am not as bratty as i sound)
where everything is safe and normal
(:

and my phone line got cut becuase (a) my mom refuses to pay my phone bill and (b) im leaving the country anyway

that means i have to get it paid before i go. sigh

anyway vancouver was really cool. now there's like this sale going on and i bought mango jeans for like $18.99 and they're really nice (: weather's a bit cold but its alright if you bundle up..

and i really love ubc because of the student life there. i mean on the 4th of july, one of the ubc alumni who lives here is hosting a gathering here for all the people in singapore going to ubc this sept. isnt that awesome? that way we can meet each other and prob book a similar flight there (: i think this is so cool (:

and someone from this batch is organising this mix tape exchange. basically on facebook we all join this group. and then we will be assigned partners and we send our partners a tape of music we like. ISNT IT SO COOL!?!

and im so join a dance class there. there are like so mnay different dances there. and like

AHHHHH

I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SCHOOL!! ((((((((((((((((((((((:

i wanna try out for track. i really want to make it to a team. i mean if i werent in drama and choir, i would have tried out for ac track. not that i would get in but i'll difinitely try out. because i know i can do it. which means..

i gotta start working out. now. so that maybe i can get a chance of doing track. MAYBE.

damn.

but on the other hand, there's audition for the school play in sept. im going to try out for it (: the school theatre club stages around 7 plays a year and its costs just $10 to join. so im going to try out for it.

and study hard of course. i've decided that i wont neglect my studies over my after-school acitivites anymore. but of course i would love to run for stuff and be part of something

i really hope i make friends there.

AND

i signed up to be a volunteer for winter olympics 2010. im not sure i'll get a post but there are 25,000 positions for grabs but im sure there are so many other people as well who are going to be signing up to be a volunteer.. its a chance of a life time so i really hope i can be part of it!! (:

ok thats all for my update (:

today

2008-06-21T09:25:00.002+08:00

i have opened my bank account. at CIBC.

i opened a chequeing account. which is my basic student account where i can withdraw my money and stuff

i opened a savings account, coz there is a 0.2% interest rate. so the money i put there will grow.

and i applied fo a visa card. coz paying with the visa can get a 1% cash rebate at the end of the year. so i'll be paying my school fees with the visa card. but the visa is not approved yet so i sent it to my temp mailing address at the dorm.

i got my social insurance number and got my social insurance card to be sent to the temp mailing address as well

i just hope they really do keep it.

and before that i also got my new birth certificate. coz apparently we're not allowed to laminate our birth certificate and i kinda got mine laminated. so had to pay for a new one to be made, which is now made out of the plastic money material. really cool.

i'll be back on wednesday. miss you guys much! (:

and im being emo.

2008-06-18T14:34:00.000+08:00

see?

this is what happend when you go far far away from people you're used to.

you become emo!..

i think

2008-06-18T14:30:00.002+08:00

that it's extremely hard to maintain friendships when you leave school.

i mean, school is the whole reason why you make some friends in school. and its under the circumstance of school that you meet. i mean, if school didnt happen, would you still be friends?

so.

its hard to maintain the friendships. even close ones i guess.

because even though both of you wanna make it last, out of sight, out of mind.

and its hard to keep up with your friends miles away. maybe you were busy. maybe you made new friends. maybe.. you just forgot. or maybe

you took for granted that she'll always be there.

that why sometimes i wonder why i even bother.

i snoozed for like forever.

2008-06-15T13:30:00.002+08:00

we reached vancouver like, 10 hours ago. reached the hotel some 6 hours ago and i have been sleeping since then. my hair hurts and my ulcer hurts. ok i sound like im super whining and i am.

at least after the sleep the ulcer is much better. the big mac here is dry and small.

and its pretty cold here. its like 9-18 degrees celsius. like melbourne.

ok i gtg take a shower.

im back.

2008-06-14T16:49:00.002+08:00

on this blog. yup. coz the other one was just too. dead? haha so i might as well continue on my personal one. since the other 3 (or 2 i must say) dont update.

im now at seoul stop over to vancouver.

i hate long plane rides.

i mean this time its alright coz its all people i know around me. ok its not alright because i have this enormous ulcer on the side of my mouth which is getting bigger no matter how much bonjela i put. and there is a tiny one starting on the crevice of my mouth. this sucks

but about the people sitting next to me, its better than usual.

maybe that would be a reason why i wouldnt be travelling back home from school often. the long plane trips.

i mean. its knowing that once you're in the air, there's nowhere else you can go. or the crappy the airplne food that sint that crappy but makes me feel sick in the stomach anyway. or the changes in air pressure that make my ears pop like mad.

but i guess the destination is always alluring. like on this plane ride, i was determined not to count down. and so after half a day, im in seoul now. 10 more hours to go.

and the only reason why i can type this here in seoul is because i got a new laptop and the wireless here at seoul is amazingly free and no-fuss.

timetabling was a mess. having bad grades puts you at a disadvantage such that you can only choose your modules at a much much much later date and time.

MOVING!

2008-02-07T18:14:00.000+08:00

im moving to

http://kegsofdrama.blogspot.com

(:

new year, new lifestyle, new blog i guess

elina and glor write in it too.. not sure whether sean has accepted it yet yup

check it out yeah?

but i guess i'll still update stuff once in a while here i guess.. if like the shared blog dies or smth haha (:

heath ledger is dead.

2008-01-23T19:40:00.000+08:00

heath ledger is dead. the guy who acted in '10 things i hate about you', 'brokeback mountain' and 'cassanova' just to name a few

the australian actor who charmed our guts out

he's dead

APPARENTLY from accidental drug overdose.. he has a 2 year old daughter..

and this just makes me sad and wanna have a movie marathon in his name..

and it makes me think of leslie cheung

who killed himself because he was gay.. which is such a fucking stupid reason..

and im pissed off

because these things shouldnt happen.. why are people so unhappy? why dont they talk to someone!?!? WHY!?!

gah

im really pissed off.. WHY DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU ALL SO BIG SHOT AND THEN KEEP IT ALL INSIDE AND THEN HURT SO MANY PEOPLE!?!?!??!?!?

frigging hell

there is no such thing as frigging accidental overdose. people are not stupid. who the fuck doesnt know that if you eat too much shit happens..

so that is NOT an excuse.. and that does not justify you hurting so many of us..

i need to buy paints

2008-01-23T11:10:00.001+08:00

im here back in school, getting people to write stuff.. i wanna go home.. and sleep.. i want to paint.. but there's no paint at home.. gah.. going to buy poster paints when my mom picks my dad up from work..

writing is tiring.. especially when its something close to your heart.. very emotionally draining i guess..

i wanna be in a band.. its so sexy to be in a band.. haha was reading the bio for the used one of my fav bands.. and its just so frigging tragic.. they come from utah a state very religious and all.. so they were really a break or make it situation.. i watched freedom writers yesterday too.. and once again i have to say how lucky we are that we arent in danger all the time of being shot to death.. not even knowing why we die or some of our friends die.. people die from drug overdose and stuff.. and its all very real..

my mom is a bit more receptive to me going to canada.. so i really really really hope that i get in.. they're going to frigging mail me the answer.. so im really really scared.. results come out like after chinese new year.. and im really scared.. i dont wanna stay here.. so see how first lah

first concern i have to deal with is that i have to show my mom that i can handle my money and stuff.. so going to get a job and earn that air ticket for choir tour myself.. well i might ask them to help me pay for the ticket first lah but i'll pay them back..

i need to be more independant.. and more responsible for my spending.. and time management..

yup (:

2008-01-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

...

i dont even know what the fuck we are mad about

what is it REALLY about?

reflections for 2008

2008-01-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

Emo fills my playlist, and funnily, I’m not emo. Well, not at this phase of my life. Maybe deep down I am, but I just choose not to be. I’m thankful for my life now. I’m doing random odd jobs, waiting for my UBC application to get through, learning to be a techie with Sherman, doing things I’ve always wanted to do or enjoy to do with people I love and care about. It’s amazing how much I’ve grown since the end of O levels. I bet if I went back to Canada now and met the same people I did 2 years ago, they wouldn’t recognize me. Back then, I was a scared little girl, afraid of people, afraid of being noticed in an unknown surrounding. I guess for me in all honesty, my greatest fear is that people hate me or think badly of me. I know it. How I wish I could be as fierce and strong as Glory, or as passionate and daring as Elina or even sometimes as complacent and nonchalant as Sean. But I’m not, and I will never be able to be exactly like them, because of how I am. In my insecurities, I take on the little girl role. I find making mistakes easier that way, people are more forgiving if you’re a ditz. Demeaning, yes, but its just something I do I guess, to protect myself from being judged. I hate being up front and get judged, yet I love the limelight with people I know. So when you take on the little girl role, sometimes you begin to think that you really are such a ditz, and it becomes okay for you to make mistakes and do and say stupid things. People laugh it off, and start to never take you seriously. But you’re protected. But when you wanna break of out it, it’s just harder to get out. You just put off the hard way longer.

Maybe I haven’t changed much since 2 years ago. I’ve just learnt to hide it better. At the rehearsal for the guerilla event, I felt so lost. Do normal people feel that way? Is it normal? So I put on a hard face and acted cool. Didn’t say a word at all. Is it normal? It’s funny how I strive to be normal when every atom of me screams otherwise. Maybe that’s why being a techie clicks with me more. I contribute to the show yet never judged. No one can see me. Almost always people forget about the techies, and that’s fine with me.

Its all about choice you see. We all choose how we want to be, what kind of people we want to be and who our friends are. Friends – who do we exactly choose to be our friends? Despite friendly sorts out there who claim that they’re friends with everyone, its not true. There will always be someone you would prefer over someone else. While you call someone else because you’re afraid that they will be lonely, there would be someone in your phonebook who probably needs the call more but you don’t consider. Why? Maybe because we’re all human. We’re more inclined to the beautiful and brawny. It’s a fact. Check your own conscience. I know we all cant be perfect. But when it hits me I just cant help thinking about it. How we can choose to be better people but sometimes we don’t. Likewise, how we choose to let go of certain things for the general benefit of yourself.

So my updated new years resolution are:
1) Be more confident
2) Kill stage fright
3) Lose weight
4) Find Kathy

Not in order though, but I guess I really do need to find inner peace. Grow up. I will be who I truly am. My friends have to accept me for who I am. I have to shed the little girl thing. It doesn’t benefit anyone, not me not anyone. Its time for me to grow up and become a woman. 2008 will be a year of choice, as I will fight out the months til university by myself for myself. I will find back my self-confidence and self-love, and start living again. For real.

Maybe the emo music is really getting to me. Maybe I really am emo.

“I tried to be someone else. But nothing seemed to change, I know now. This is who I really am inside. Finally found myself, finally found a chance I know now, this is who I really am.” – The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars

just some tag replies

2008-01-01T12:23:00.000+08:00

supei: are you serious!? my parents used to be like that but i kinda convinced them to like give me money when i need lah.. then do you like save during sch? oh no i have to learn to be thrifty.. one reason my parents dont want to let me go overseas is that they scared i cant handle my money.. haha yeah

i'm 18 too: yeah i know $4/hr is really pathetic.. but on the job you make like really cool friends and its difficult to leave.. so i'll always be a part timer there even if i have like a better job which i hope i will in feb.. not working til then to give myself self time (:

issac: haha i know dear but its just really pissi-fying when they do it.. and the thing is my parents worked their way to uni all on scholarship.. so they're a lot more thrifty than i am.. so yeah haha (:

2008-01-01T11:51:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

haha havent really updated the blog because i've been busy with other things or just really lazy.. im stuck most of my time online checking my mail or on facebook.. so all my photos are on facebook yeah?

anyway

im teching for 'some girls' so come down and watch the show.. though its really kinda sold out but since its at the substation if you come down early you can still buy a ticket and squeeze in (:

sherman is like amazing! he's like so experienced in this tech business.. coz he was in mdc he has like lots of show experience.. and he says like 3 shows a day they usuallyhave to make everything from scratch!! and im like omg! haha.. yup he like knows so much lah from what kinda and what brand of mic is good for what kinda sound to like everything.. im doing lights.. and im so excited!!! (:

so anyway how were your new years? any new year resolutions? one of mine would be to lose weight for real haha and spend more time with my friends and family.. possibly earn my first 5k lol yup

frankly speaking i thought that mine would suck big time because elina and glor are both overseas and sean is like sick and anyway he was celebrating it with his sec sch friends (and got unfortunately but unsurprisingly drunk).. but new year's was fantastic.. i went to krish's place in the end with krit and tushar.. it was really fun even though we were just watching like xmen2 and xmen 3 back to back haha.. it was fun coz like hazri and the guys kept making really funny comments about the show.. and matthew kept mixing other movies into xmen.. with references to like harry potter and lord of the rings etc haha it was really fun and krish's mom made this vanilla iced tea and it was damn nice! (:

after that krit tush and i left at around 1pm because tush went over to dee's place and i was going to visit mark at his parents' pub.. its 'my wife's place' and it's so cool! haha i loved the place.. its so cool if you parents had a pub.. then u can learn how to mix drinks and everything.. its so exciting!! (:

so yesh

2008 seems like a promising year..

its the year of majority slacking til we go to uni.. so its a year where we embrace our friendships all around.. or do things we might not be able to after we enter uni or might not want to..

and just take a moment to reflect on the year passed.. the moments we all shared.. the friends you've made.. and all the crazy and stupid things you've done.. just take a moment

and welcome to the new year

2008

LOVE YOU GUYS! (:

2007-12-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

ok i am fucking irritated with parents who think just because you have a job they think you can pay for every single thing..

never mind the fact that you dont even work that often because they nag at you to stay at home more often and so you do

never mind that they themeselves nag at you that its a miserable job with a miserable pay of $4/hr

never mind the fact that you've told them that you only get the money NEXT fucking month for whatever you have worked THIS month..

never mind you just spent practically whatever money you have got from the random odd jobs you've done and allowance you've managed to get out of the parent on christmas presents becasue there's 7 people in the family to buy for because guess what they invited grandma and aunt over..

they just fucking assume that once you're 18, you will miraculously have money from the miserable $4/hr job that you hardly work at.. thus you can survive without any financial assistance from them

and they get irritated and mortified when you ask them for money

and then they say that they dont even spend money in a day

when it was them who promised that they will buy you clothes after your As because your entire wardrobe with filled with AC shirts and FBTs..

and now when you go out in the same clothes which is SOOOO revealing and show your boobs

they expect you to do something about it

when you ask them to go out and buy clothes they look at you like you're insane and tell you to lose weight first or that they're too tired or that you should have bought some clothes the last time we went out

and going back to the last time we went out.. you just rejected everything i wanted to buy.. and when i point that out to you now in this argument.. you wave it off by saying that it was slutty anyway..

WTF

you dont let me go out.. you complain when i keep going to coffee bean because i have no choice its the only place where i can eat for free.. you dont give me money to go out.. you think i always have money when i dont.. if i take money from your wallet and tell you later you kick up a big fuss call it stealing (i havent done that since sec2 ) and tell me i should have asked yet when i ask for money you tell me no.. so if i dont go out that means i dont work and thus no income.. so its a bloddy fucking vicious cycle..

like seriously.. SERIOUSLY

i really feel like fucking prostituting myself so that i have a whole fucking lot of money so that i dont have to fucking rely on the parents.. and when they ask how come i have so much money i'll just tell them the truth

that i fucking protituted myself.

SO THERE.

2007-12-10T23:38:00.000+08:00

ok

drank too much last night.. had a headache this morning.. am not going to try to get drunk again.. if me drinking too much already feel so crappy in the morning.. then obviously not going to drink more to become drunk and more crappy in the morning

yesterday's drama christmas party was great.. tushar's guitar hero never falled to be there but it was cool what with the projector at glor's place.. yup..

face painting a while ago was good too.. thhough the kids were sometimes over-demanding.. felt like smackin a couple of them.. but instead i just dappled less glitter on their their face paintings.. haha hey im human.. there was this girl who was like EXTREMELY bossy.. like only 7.. and she wanted me to paint the spiderman maks on her enitre face.. well if you dont realise.. spiderman is like how complicated lah! so i just told her er we dont have white anymore.. ok so she said that she wanted a star on her left eye.. a spider on her right cheek and a heart on her left cheek.. er like hello?? people usually only ask for ONE.. so nvm so after i painted the star (while she kept insisting me to put a lot a lot of glitter) i started painting the spider on her cheek.. (i told her not to be greedy and pick one.. spider or heart) and after i painted the body of the spider.. she suddenly say what are you painting? i said a spider.. then she said i dont want spider.. i want spiderMAN..

well excuse me? ur face so small how to fit in spiderman? wah then i just wipe off and told her to get lost.. in a nice way.. after that when i was painting on another kid.. she actually came back and said you didnt put enough glitter i want more glitter

what happened to 'please' and 'thank you'?

i just kinda ignored her.. and told her to wait coz i was painting someone else at the moment.. she stood there and just went away after that

oh and did i mention that coz she had a fringe in the way so i asked her to hold up her fringe.. she hold for a while and barked at the red cross girl who was like her escort 'help me hold me hair!'.. and when the red cross girl's grip loosened abit.. she would bark out again 'help me hold my hair!!' with a frown.. wah that kid really deserves a smack..

then another boy wanted a star on her forearm, a sun on his left hand and a moon on his right hand.. and i was like wtf.. seriously haha

but it was fun nonetheless (:

2007-12-04T20:41:00.000+08:00

anyway i met krit and glor at city hall at like 10am.. glor was late.. and then we went to buy her prom shoes that she still hadnt got.. yup.. we got the shoes from chalres and keith.. its such an adorable pai of shoes which only cost like $18 and i really want a pair! haha
last night wasnt so fantastic.. in fact the food at shang was such a rip off for the fortune we paid for the prom tix.. but i was actually more excited about the before and post prom.. the fact that we were sleeping overnight together with friends at a posh hotel room was pretty cool..

though we had to keep calling in macs coz we were so hungry and shang is like situated in the middle of nowhere and shang food is just too pricey (6 star hotel)..

it was fun but extremely tiring.. glor had some stuff at like 8.30am and i think she's sleeping now.. gah.. sean and elina had some filming to do at 9am and so forth..

haha it quite funny though.. last night i kept calling like operator.. i called for/about
1) an extra chair
2) housekeeping to clear u the mess
3) housekeeping for new towels
4) the wireless in the hotel
5) what time the pool closes
6) macs people doming in to deliver
7) a wake up call at 5am and 9am
8) sanitary pads

yes.. and each time they pick up the phone they would be like 'miss li hi how may i help you?' and each time im like 'omg they prob put me down on the black list for irritating visitors'.. and funniest thing was that kelvin called for the pads.. and when the girl brought up the pads and levin asnwered the door to get it the girl was kinda surprised haha..

yup that was all for prom..

oh yeah all my stuff was from daniel yam (:

2007-12-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

to-bring list on monday aka prom

1) the prom dress, shoes and clutch
2) extra set of clothes
3) makeup
4) soap+bubble bath thingy
5) booze (if possible)
6) cash (arnd $50)
7) bring chips
8) CAMERA!
9) laptop
10) charger

pillowman

2007-11-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

pillowman was terrific.. it was just so morbid.. yet funny.. i loved it.. michael was fantastic.. his character was so funny and cute.. and yet so tragic.. that he, the retard brother, would be the murderer and then be murdered by his very own brother.. it was just so sad.. and the pillowman.. is just so creepy.. how he keeps crying because of what he does.. you like how people lead horrible lives and then commit suicide.. the pillowman travels back to time when these people are kids and convinced them to commit suicide.. and he would always be there to hold their hands when they die..

and the saddest part was when the author was shot to death.. what he was thinking right before he died was a story in tribute to his brother who he loved so much.. it went that the pillowman went back to when the retard brother wasnt a retard but was tortured by their parents as a sick experiment in a hidden room.. and the pillowman told him to kill himself then because he would grow up to be retard and live life horrifically.. the brother quietly asked that if he died then his brother the author wouldnt have been such a fantastic writer right? and the pillowman agreed.. so the brother decided that he will undergo the horrific life, knowing that he would be killed by his brother so that his brother could write fantastic stories..

its really damn fucking twisted.. but i loved it..

a lil update on my life

2007-11-29T22:01:00.000+08:00

As are over.

sadly.. it doesnt feel like it should be feeling.. maybe because finishing As doesnt necessarily mean heaven.. it just means..

adulthood..

and independence..

to start taking care of self.. and not rely on parents so much..

today's audition was alright.. everyone was so nice (: sang 'for good' from wicked! and did a clothes movement thing that yt taught us.. wenfu told me to stop singing and cut away all the unnecessary hand gestures.. haha omg.. and then the cheoreographer looked damn fierce and then i did my movement he looked a bit stunned like he couldnt believe that was all i did.. and he told me to do it again in like varied speed.. and after that the director asked me to recall one angry memory.. and i couldnt really remember any specific one.. and when he asked me to re-enact the scene of anger what i did felt so stupid that like.. i kinda kept apologising.. gah

after audition met george.. who has been doing musical theatre on like broadway and west end for like 7 years.. its amazing.. he said that like once u get into a musical on like broadway they sign you up for like one year.. and they will settle your lodging and food lah.. and its 8 shows a week.. but its like a 6.30pm to 11pm job.. you have your day free to do whatever.. its just so amazing! he started with miss saigon.. and he even did aida! that is just so damn amazing.. to be able to do what you really love.. and for so long some more.. haha.. he actually went online and found the audition dates.. flew to us and during his hols he auditioned.. he went back before the final call and because he was in singapore when they needed him for final audition.. theysent him an air ticket back to us to audition again.. and he got the part..

its just amazing.. i cant help but feel excited about this big bad world im about to join.. and be a part of.. and no longer be protected by the school..

on the side note.. i find it rather amusing that everyone who joins facebook would type in that they are confused and irritated by the complicity of facebook.. its really quite funny.. and after a while you see that they will proclaim that they have it all figured out haha

im a bit irked that soon we will all be alone.. when people go overseas to austrailia for early admission.. our guys going in to army.. what will we be doing for the months til uni? sigh already im a bit irked by the fact that im not seeing everyone so often anymore.. and i miss all of you.. sigh.. i guess its just part of growing up.. parting and stuff..

and i dont understand why is it that everytime we meet up with old friends we HAVE to spend money? gah

2007-11-25T20:21:00.000+08:00

IM GOING TO FUCKING END TML!!

YESSSSSS

CANT WAIT

glory kelvin my sis and i saw a druggie/drunk guy on the bus on fri night.. so scary.. coz the bus driver got and like try to whack him awake.. and even like push his head around and like the guy didnt move at all then at first we thought he died leh!! so scary..

arabian nights.. the kids were FANTASTIC.. it was really amazing.. the dances were gorgeous.. and the singers.. omg.. i cant believe i senior to so many talented people (:

pillowman.. i knew it was really dark.. and was really affected by it in the moment itself.. but once out of the theatre i was fine.. it was really good as well.. michael was amazing.. it was like he really was a retard kid.. he was soooo cute!!!! i loved the story.. though it was so uber sad and like depressing.. yet surprisingly we could all still laugh though it was so morbid.. it really was quite funny.. haha and omg adrian pang was really sexy with the accent and all.. it was just gorgeous the whole thing..

and squishy went to the wrong place for arabian nights! sigh haha he showed up at srt..

and yeah lah

thats all for the update of my life.. (:

monday: lit exam; dinner at elina's
tuesday: sentosa; prom shopping
wednesday: work, dinner with the bitches
thursday: audition; prom shopping

damn busy week ahead.. haha

2007-11-13T14:18:00.000+08:00

i just realised how lucky i am

looking back at ALL my old blogs.. and reading some of the current blogs by old friends..

im lucky

to have friends who are open enough to talk about emo stuff.. and understand what i talking about.. because they have also acknowledged the different emotions and feelings they go through.. and are open enough to talk about it.. of course im talking about my friends in drama.. it is in the 2 years friendship.. that i have opened up so much.. that i have talked out all the conflicts in my heart.. to be a much happier person..

and of course.. if i were to feel anyway spiritually unsound.. i have my choir friends.. who are always there for me as well.. i love the choir.. i know i may be rebellious at times.. but deep down i do love choir.. because it is in choir.. where i can be safe and find my peace.. and just enjoy in the music making and sharing.. with no hypocrisy.. i love it..

and for all that.. i am thankful to be acjc.. to be surrounded with so many people who care and love me.. for me to grow into the person i am.

thank you. (:

in the midst of A levels

2007-11-07T10:31:00.001+08:00

im going to stop thinking of unis.. because whatever.. seriously..

chem is so screwed.. gah..

made meringues yesterday (: it was cool.. and watched legally blonde and hot chick.. i love legally blonde.. (:

i need a job after As.. go shopping and start christmas shopping haha (:

cant wait for it all to end..

18 more day..

i really cant wait..

and i've decided that if i cant make it into UBC.. im going to spend a whole year in China.. yup.. seriously.. and learn their culture and stuff.. and probably volunteer for the Olympics (:

2007-10-29T20:16:00.000+08:00

transgender. 20/20 "My Secret Self"

wtf

at least not as bad as i thought.. i thought the parents let the kids go for sex change.. its just letting the like their boy become a girl by acting and dressing as a girl..

some parents call it a birth defect.. some say that whats between the legs dont match whats between the ears..

this is screwed up!

its an actual disorder..

but why cant you just let them be gay or lesbian?????????

GAH

these kids are going to grow up to be transexual!! ):

2007-10-29T17:34:00.001+08:00

It’s the very factor that’s brought us together, that’s pulling us apart.

2 dyas to As

2007-10-29T10:07:00.000+08:00

yup just 2 more days

and then.. it would be a countdown of 26 days til it ends

and frankly speaking.. im this close to snapping.. because the close is just so near.. its just within my finger grasp.. and i really want this to end.. this torture.. this rat-race for some paper qualifications..

and surprisingly.. i like studying.. it takes me away from real issues.. like starvation.. child prostitution.. corruption.. and as long as im sutdying here in singapore.. in the comfort of the design studio.. away from civilisation.. newspapers.. away from noise.. im safe..

yet it is here in the design studio.. when ms wong gives us gp thingies.. where im brought back to the brutality of the world.. how can the world be such? im not trying to be naive.. but doesnt anyone care?

2007-10-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

"After that it was during the Christmas season 2006. Both of us volunteered to help Deanna’s church to spread the word the real story about Christmas, which involves the celebration of Christ’s birth. It was raining a lot during that season, and we hid in the containers most of the time, talking about things. On times it didn’t rain, we ate the dried figs we were supposed to give out to the passer-bys. On one account of a rainy day, Glory and I went down to Takashimaya’s food centre on basement 1. I can’t recall how long we were there exactly, but it was really a couple of hours. We just went from stall to stall, watching how the hawkers made their ware. The first one we started on was the pancake stall. We stood there for pretty long, watching how the aunties would have this pancake dispenser, and how the fish-shaped pancakes were made, the pancakes with fillings inside. Another we went to was the Japanese food stall, where they sold teriyaki meat on sticks and such. Glory bought a packet of plain rice, with some sauce on it, and we just stood in front of the machine that grabbed sticks of meat to roast, dip into this brown sauce, roast again before depositing them onto a plate We watched the sticks of chicken go round and round. It was fascinating to just stand there and watch. Then we realized that guys behind the ultimate-meat-roasting-dipping machine and glass panel in front of the machine were sniggering to themselves, and patting the man managing the machine on the back or seemingly teasing or congratulating him. To our horror, we realized that they probably thought we were checking them out. It was quite hilarious; neither side could hear each other say anything because of the glass panel in between us, so we were saying some pretty funny stuff about them on our side. The other stall that was impactful was the fried noodles shop. As we watched, we saw how they just wildly flicked the noodles around on the hot stove, and the noodles actually hit the glass panel. When that happened, the guy cooking would just use his metal spatula and scrape the noodles off the window and back onto the pile of fried noodles. This would be our cue to make disgusted noises. As we watched on, the guy behind the counter decided to provide us with more personalized entertainment by taking over the noodle-frying and waved his metal spatulas a bit too excessively. I won’t forget how I refused to refuse a cup of fresh sugarcane juice despite Glory’s constant nagging that it was not sugarcane juices but in fact ‘hand juice, or how she wanted to try working at every food stall because it looked fun and how I started eating squid because she made me try the dried fried squid from Old Chang Kee. It was also one of those rainy nights that we just sat outside Takashimaya and talked until almost 1am hoping for the rain to stop (it didn’t) and had to take a bus to Dover and then cab home."

here's a snippet of the book im writing about the 2 year journey being part of the black invasion.. contributions are strongly welcomed.. you can write a lil snippet of your experience in the porgramme or knowing someone in it and send it to my email m3kobi@gmail.com

(:

2007-10-26T11:46:00.000+08:00

i just realised the situtaion of the local theatre in singapore.

everyone is trying to deviate from the norm of how singaporeans are boring.. and people trying to be involved in the threa.. i dont know.. come across a bit.. too trying?

and its kinda irritating dont you think? i mean.. come on.. chill.. i know singapore very few this kind of big productions.. but still.. its really irritating people are selling themselves like "omg! i am SOOOOOO drama-mama and so you should cast ME!"

....

*irritated*

12 days

2007-10-19T19:46:00.000+08:00

i guess this time..

we deserved the scolding..

and finally i guess.. i have a bit more glimpse of what sir meant by growing up.. its when you know that you are wrong.. and accept it.. and not try to be hero about getting scolded.. and actually learn about it

and add to your confirmation that your teachers do care about you.. and are concerned..

im so scared..

i didnt know how us being so called 'friends'.. not scolding him.. letting free will reign.. can actually harm him in the end.. and us being in singapore.. how to be like ang moh and let ur kid run free at 18? difficult..

and i've decided that i shall not let my emotions decide my life.. but now switch back to the brain.. and work hard again.. stop having stupid notions and ideas 12 days before the exams..

growing up.

and working hard.

2007-10-15T18:21:00.000+08:00

im confused.

i dont know whether i like you as a friend.

or more.

why is it so complicated? why? does a crisis have to happen before i really discover whether i really like you more?

and the thing is i cant love you.

i cant.

not before hurting so many other people.

and i dont dare to say it out loud

because if i do that would mean its really true

and i dare not believe it to be ture

so just as long as i dont say it out loud

its not ture.

because loving you..

is the right kind of wrong.

2007-10-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

i've found out that i cant work in stress...

which is probably why i kinda live my life wihtout a care or stress most of the time.

because i cant handle it

and i admit that

thats why i take life easy.. well.. unless im forced to get stressed up like A levels..

oh well..

17 more days

some stupid survey that i decided to do and thus makes me kinda stupid as well

2007-10-14T20:56:00.000+08:00

Layer 1: On the outside

Name: Li Kathy Yan
date: 8th May 1989
Current status: single
Eye color: brown
Hair color: blackwith brown highlights

Layer 2: On the inside

My heritage: chinese
My fear: being utterly friendless and average
My weakness: low-self esteem, worries too much and cares too less at the same time, stage fright

Layer 3: Yesterday, today and tomorrow

My first thought of waking up: what do i have to do today?
My bed time: 10pm-12am
My most missed memories: my lil corner in the classroom, drama people (:, choir tour 2006(:

Layer 4: My pick

Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
Macdonald or Burger king: Macs
Single or group dates: Group
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Tea or Nestea: Tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Capuccino or coffee: Cap

Layer 5: DO YOU..

Smoke: no but might start soon if SOMEONE doesnt stop
Take a shower: yeah
Have a crush: yeah
Go to sch: yeah
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Think you're a health freak:no

Layer 6:In the past

Drink alcohol: yeah
Gone to the mall: yeah
Been on stage: yeah
Dyed your hair: No

Layer 7:Have you ever

Played a stripping game: yeah
Change who you were to fit in: not much

Layer 8: Are you hoping to..

Get married: yeah

Layer 9:In a Guy

Best eye color: anything
Best hair color: anything
Short or long hair: anything

Layer 10: What you were doing just now?

A min ago: This survey
An hour ago: Eating dinner
4 and 1/2 hours ago: Greek essay
Month ago: cant remember
Year ago: cant remember

Layer 11: Finish the sentences

I love: being alive and being able to love the people around me
I hate: being a disappointment and feeling guilty
I hide: not much things
I miss: being a kid

Layer 12: Tag 5 people

anyone who wants to do this things.

2007-10-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

"At certain times during the year, the Undergraduate Admissions Office experiences extremely high volumes of documents to be processed. As a result, it may take approximately two to four weeks for your application status to be updated. Please check back regularly. Your patience is greatly appreciated."

chee bye.

2007-10-09T08:45:00.001+08:00

i hate it when people dont do anything to help and then complain.

seriously..

just get off my back and fuck off

asked for photos no one responded. so sue me for not having nicer photos of you lah..

ask for help no one wanted to help ON THEIR OWN ACCORD.. which meant that after they helepd i would have had to listen to how they didnt have to help the class page but did anyway.. i'll pass on that

and even if cant help with IT.. never think of maybe offering help in the idea of how you all want it

but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

everyone has to study.. durnig prelims period and now..

obviously i cant ask all of you because all of you have to study so hard and obviously have no fucking time to spare for the class page that you care so much about right?

ok fine

its my fault

that im imcompetent. i suk at photoshop because as a class rep i should TOTALLY be a whiz at photoshop and make the class page FANTASTIC!

ad i failed in that. so its my fault..

its fine.. its ALWAYS my fault

which is why you doubted my abilities in the first place right?

FUCKING HELL THOSE CAPABLE OF USING FUCKING PHOTOSHOP DIDNT WANT TO FUCKING HELP
AND YOU DONT POINT OUR FUCKING FINGER AT THEM BECAUSE YOU DIDNT EITHER!

so its my fault.. that i dont know how to use photoshop.. couldnt convinve our class people to do it.. and couldnt stop being human so that i would drop studying and do the class page.. which i did but i took 8 hours compiling all the photos in the collage..

its my fault

its my fault im not all chummy with you so that even if i screw up you'll say its alright

i bet if SOMEONE else did it you wont fucking make a sound

because she would be part of your entourage right?

so its my fault.

and im sorry.

2007-10-05T21:01:00.000+08:00

ok

tops and sweaters
- 1 basic white cotton tailored shirt
- 1 coloured tailored shirt
- 7 cotton t-shirts (some long sleeve, short sleeve or tank styles)

- 1 sexy party top
- 1 shiny, silk camisole
- 1 pretty top with special details
- 1 black sweater
- 1 solid-coloured sweater

dresses
- 1 timeless black dress
- 1 daytime dress
- 1 unique sexy party dress

skirts
- 1 black skirt
- 1 flirty, dressy skirt
- 1 knee length business skirt

pants/jeans
- 1 casual pants
- 1pair of black pants
- 3 pairs of jeans

coats and jackets
- 1 basic black suit
- 1 blazer that looks great with pants
- 1 3/4 length light coat
- 1 overcoat
- 1 casual, light jacket

shoes
- 1 pair of heels
- 1 pair of flats

2007-10-04T10:36:00.000+08:00

pacific theatre

the vancouver playhouse theatre

arts club theatre company

i will visit all three of their productions if i get into UBC..

and i applied for UBC online already! haha omg so exciting!!

2007-10-03T08:41:00.000+08:00

fuck i really want to go to UBC!!!

if i get in, i want to try out for thier girls' soccer team (http://www.gothunderbirds.ca/sports_team.asp?id=18) .. and join their cheering team bluecrew (http://www.gothunderbirds.ca/bluecrew.asp )

sigh

HAVE TO WORK.. I WANT IT SO BADLY!!

I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT IF I WORK HARD ENOUGH, I WILL LAND MY ASS THERE IN UBC!!

i dont know what i will do if i dont get into UBC!!!

28 more days..

KATHY HAS TO WORK HARDER!!! BECAUSE SHE REALY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTS TO ENTER UBC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

31 days left as of tomorrow

2007-09-30T20:40:00.000+08:00

yes

there are now 31 days

and in 31 days

i will bring up my D in dep up to an A..

D in my lit up to an A

U in my chem up to a C.. because anything more than that would be impossible.. considering i slept through every SPA there was for chem and it counts for 20% of the A level grade.. which means i have to get at least 70/100 for my chem paper just to get a C..

so yes..

E in GP up to a B

U in H1 math up to at least a B

yes

and it is possible (:

2007-09-28T17:48:00.000+08:00

i cringe as i watch my IS piece.

cringe big time.

2007-09-28T11:31:00.000+08:00

i was just recalling this dream i had really young.. i think one of the very few nightmares that i can remember.. basically there was this damn loud storm when i was sleeping.. and i stuffed my fingers into my ears..

and i think i dreamt that i was in ths dream world.. and that i knew that i was in a dream.. but the scary part was that i couldnt get out of the dream.. i pinched myself (didnt work).. screamed (didnt work).. ducked down and closed my eyes shut and talk myself to wake up (didnt work either)

but i eventually fell into dreamless sleep.. and woke up with sore ears.. which probably meant i stuffed my ears with my finers the whole night..

and the thing is i dreamt it from a third person view.. seeing myself duck down.. yet i could feel all the feelings and everything..

another dream was when i was in china.. and before i slept.. there was this like china show about like ancient china.. and i was told to go to sleep before the show ended coz it was late.. but i wanted to finish watching it lah..

so i went to sleep and then i dreamt the rest of the show.. i clearly remember there were these 2 arguing generals who were both captured for doing something bad lah and they had to be beheaded.. and like one of them said that he would be beheaded glady if he was allowed to see the other one beheaded before him.. and before the other one could retort.. the executioner said ok and did it..

and the head of the other one bounced off the many many steps from where they were bein beheaded..

and the guy laughed and said that now he can leave in peace.. and also got beheaded

and his head bounced off the steps too..

and thats the only scene i remember..

but anyway.. when i woke up the next day.. my grandpa was saying that iw as screaming in my sleep

haha

and not to mention the few accounts i slept walked at home.. off my double decked bed and outside my mom's room muttering stuff..

haha

yup

but i dont think i have these weird dreams or sleep-walking..

which makes me wonder what made me have them? how come i dont have nightmares anymore? is that good? hmmmmm

(:

MOONCAKE FESTIVAL

2007-09-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

yes

we celebrated the mid-autumn festival yesterday.. the couple of us drama people..

i will remember:

the running around the track for as long as your sparkler was lit like lunatics..

the Xiao Deng Long i was carrying, the Yu Deng Long elina was carrying and the Fei Ma Deng Long that glory was carrying (which we all agreed except glory that it was the ugliest lantern)

the patient who escaped from IMH (:])..

the chiong-ing to buy last minutes items like the sparklers, laterns and candles.. (and we forgot the most important thing - the mooncake)

the j1s looking so serene just standing in the middle of the track staring at the sparklers in their hand.. or dancing around waving the sparklers around in circles

the chinese song about all our lanterns.. even got ah ngim's fei ma deng long (:

us thinking that ah ngim flew to the moon.. (when she was actually in the canteen flirting LOL)

the 3 amigoes who walked to and fro on the field.. and still claim to be invisible in the night (they werent)

and just the adrenaline over something that is seemingly small.. but aint..

thank you for celebrating together..

and elina for making such a big fuss in the first place about it

it was really worth it (:

p.s. I WANT PHOTOS!

I LOVE THE ACJC LITERATURE PODCAST

2007-09-26T19:21:00.000+08:00

omg

THE ACJC LITERATURE DEPARTMENT IS JUST SO CUTE!!

*funky music playing* "You are listening to the ACJC Literature Podcast.."

OMG

HOW CUTE IS THAT??

I LOVE THE LITERATURE DEPARTMENT!!

XOXOXOXO!!

p.s. WHO IS ANTONIO?? HE SOUNDS DAMN YOUNG!
p.s.s I THINK ITS MR NGOEI! LOL

in my afternoon nap just now..

2007-09-26T18:17:00.000+08:00

in my afternoon nap just now.. i dreamt that lawrence made all the coffee bean staff dance.. like learn this couple dance..

but before that i vaguely remember working at coffee bean with sean adn this girl i dont know.. and there were like a lot of people lining up to buy something and my first customer was like this girl who wanted to buy this ice blended drink but i just couldnt remember where to find it in the cash register.. and like sean and that other girl didnt know either.. and yeah.. and while i was looking for the item on the cash register.. she just left with her group of friends.. and then the next guy was like this indian man who was like working an office job.. he asked for like todays brew.. and i couldnt find it as well! he passed me the money.. and then i took forver to find the item.. that he just walked away as well without a word! by then i pleaded the other girl who looked goth to take over the cash register.. and she did.. and then my first customer came back with her group of friends and i was like im so sorry i still cant find your item.. and they just walked away..

SO ANYWAY it seemed to be a much bigger store than the one at guthrie house.. and probably appeared in one of my dreams when i was like running from the airport or smth to the boon lay bus interchange..

anyway..

i paired up with this guy who is quite tall, dark and handsome.. looking vaguely like jared.. and then he put out his right hand.. and then put this left hand around my waist.. and we started dancing..

i tried to dance properly.. but eventually let him lead me instead.. and then i put his head on his chest.. and his head on mine.. and it just felt so right.. and its was just like i need someone to lean on.. to trust and to love..

and while all of this happening.. lawrence was kinda like shouting instructions to us.. and i think when he saw us he made like this sound like happy sighing

after that i dunno why we stopped.. then i went to sit with lawrence.. and asked him wheher he was attached.. and he said a whole load of sutff.. but then said that he was gay lah.. and then dunno why he wants to do somehting in singapore.. then in paris and then in paris june.. lol i cant remember..

ok

i think my subconscious is telling me to get a bf.. haha

p.s i think i dreamt that guy before.. the guy i was kissing in the gas station at the bottom of my hill.. when he was sending me home on a rainy day or night and stopped for gas..

2007-09-26T07:59:00.000+08:00

i need to send my application form to UBC by February 28.

with the following:
- A school-certified copy of your General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE) or O Level certificates, plus your predicted Advanced or Advanced Subsidiary Levels. Each page of the certified GCSE or O Level document should be both signed and stamped by the certifying school.

-Documents to support your application such as letters of reference, a personal statement, list of extracurricular activities, etc.

-$100 application fees

so yeah

i really do want to get into UBC.. and hopefully my parents would wanna sponser me there..

so anyway..

dont you just get tired of all the studying?

i know its only 30 more days of this hell-hole and then finally.. we will be free.. wel.. that its in 60 dyas times we will be free..

and i guess.. im pretty scared.. and afraid..

of whether i will get into a uni or what.. becuase i havent been doing consistent work all these 2 years.. but 30 days if enough for miracles to happen.. if you study very day dilligently..

but the thing is.. i havent studied for 6 days already.. almost week.. and im just CANT bring myself to study..

because im just so sick and tired of it..

gah..

but im going to start again this afternoon..

ms mai told us about her classmate in JC how he ran away from home during the A level month.. and just slept on the streets and stuff lah.. becuase he was like too overwhemled and stressed and stuff..

haha thats pretty scary dont you think? that we might just over-study and just go bonkers after that? hmmm

so yes

study.

2007-09-24T12:57:00.000+08:00

recently i watched akeelah and the bee on cable..

and at the last part of the show where the Asian boy has to compete against Akeelah.. Akeelha saw the boy's father lecturing the boy.. about how its his last year to compete (he was 14) and that if he didnt get first for this last compeition.. he would be second best for the rest of his life.. because he got second for the previous competitions that he joined..

so Akeelah made a decision to let him win.. because she had the other years to compete.. (she was 11).. and she purposely spelt a word that the Asian boy taught her wrong..

and then you can see the confusion on her trainer's face when he stands up.. and on theAsian boy's face as well.. coz he's like thinking wtf is she doing..

so since she misspelt the word.. he got the chance of spelling it lah.. but he also purposely mis-spelt..

but before i go on.. i have to mention what i saw on the Asian boy's father's face..

there was hope.. a glimmer of hope that his son would bring honour to his family by winning the prestigious spelling bee.. and it wasnt a glimmer.. lol it was like this over-flowing pride that seemed to be shining from his face..

but when his son mis-spelt the word.. he just looked so bewildered and disappointed..

and the thing is i totally could relate to the parent.. and i felt the disappointment the parent had in the child.. and it was heartbreaking

and then i realised that though my claims of being a totally different mother from my mom..

is probably not going to happen..

i am going to end up as an Asian mother with traditional values.. it would be difficult not to hope that your child be the very best in all that he or she does..

and i just hope by the time i have the many kids that i want..

i would be have been the mother i would want to be..

and im goijg make sure my kids have many godfathers and godmothers! (:

2007-09-23T15:41:00.000+08:00

ok

i apologise for the few days of hysterical glaring, yelling and screaming at you people..

im alright now..

as you would have discovered a few days ago when i returned back to my human form..

so yes

yesterday was sean's first day of work (:

and i think he survived it quite well.. apparently being ex-gay helped him make firends.. coz a lot of the girls there are lesbian.. so if i had known that being lesbian would help me make friends at coffee bean i just might have made myself come across that way (but sadly they think kelvin and i are bf gf so yeah).. it also helps that sean *ER HMS* as well..

anyway

im making progress in my chem (I THINK) readin and memorising chem equations and stufdf.. feeling quite accomplished coz im actually doing chem on my own.. like yeah. i guess the pending doom that will come if i dont study is catching up on me..

and i've discovered i cant study with elina or sean like seprately.. if we study as a group in 3 at the esplanade library.. chances are that we will study.. but not if its at coffee bean or at sean's place..

i've decided that i will go to starbucks at holland v to study coz i find there the most conducive place to study on my own.. yup.. their fantastic hot chocolate helps too (:

so yes.

5 more weeks to A levels.. not a lot of days..

but enough for a miracle to happen

(:

DONT USE YOUR FUCKING CONSCIENCE

2007-09-18T10:35:00.000+08:00

I am very tired. Tired of the people around me who pretend, and friends who backstab and bitch about each other. Its PROM, a day for us to celebrate each other's friendships, not show our ugly sides in the attempt to make it a beautiful one. It doesn't work that way.

So my final conclusion is that this world is not a world for the conscience. Using your conscience can lead to catastrophic results, like the shifting of EVERYONE in three tables just because of one person.

2007-09-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

i am fucking pissed off

and that is a major understatement

i am fucking appalled by the selfishness of people around me

and i know i am going to get screwed for this

but fuck it

there's only so much you can take

people i thought were friends.. just show this selfish and superficial

"hugs?" "favourite friend" "hey sexy"

fuck that

now i know that you all dont mean a fucking nice thing you say.

under all those layers of nice things you say and do to other people

you are nothing.

and fuck all this shit.

2007-09-16T19:48:00.001+08:00

i hate youtube.

its taking forever to up my vids.

fat?

2007-09-12T15:53:00.000+08:00

people make beautiful clothes for beautiful people

and the 'beautiful people' are the minority of the population.. the tall thin beautiful people..

and of course the clothes look gorgeous on them.. even a gunny sack will look couture on them..

which is why my dream is that

i make clothes for the normal people.. clothes that would look good on them and make them feel good looking good..

not already gorgeous 1.8m stick thin models

that is what i want to acheive when i graduate from junior college.. start building up my portfoilio.. i want to design clothes.. and make people want to dress well on a daily basis.. because it feels good to feel gorgeous and beautiful no matter what body shape u are (:

ok anyway

i realised with my whole entire wardrobe filled is ACJC shirts and like school clothes.. i dont have much going out clothes.. i realised i dont have any normal polo shirts or shirts..

and thus i've decided to compile a list of "WARDROBE MUST-HAVES" for a girl's closet (with help from elina)

1) black spag-strap

2) a button down shirt in white or black

3) jeans

4) black heels..

er

haha

i add on..

5) SHADES

6) red pumps

(:

haha i need a new wardrobe

another thing..

u know how like after everyone has watched "Hairspray" and made a big noise about supporting big people.. loving fat people

and then when Britney comes back looking like this

EVERYONE went about how fat she's become..

strange how she seemed fatter on the newspaper.. hm..

but i mean..

its difficult to not judge and follow popular opinion dont u think? even i cringed when i saw the picture yesterday..

but dont you think as long these people feel comfortable in what they wear and thats fine..

i mean

(i really think somone tweeked with the photos of her.. )

there are fatter people in bikinis in beaches all over the world and we dont flame about them openly online..

she just was on stage on national tv.. lol

sigh

again i dont know what im trying to say..

once again.. my fingers just type what i have on mind and i dont usually have a conlcusion to what i say haha (:

2007-09-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

i was just wondering

u know like when u fall in love with someone? and people say like how sex is not equals to love and all that right.. but how can it just be plain pure love at our age? i mean.. dont u think in the midst of loving someone u ARE also sexually attracted to that person?

for me when i go around announcing fan girl style at the top of my lungs (eg. Rae and Chin) of how much i love them.. i figured that i wasnt my heart or me talking.. most of the time.. its my ovaries talking.. yup haha.. and most recently the math HOD.. gah

and for me.. i just kinda naturally just love (most) people.. its just like in my nature thing.. so like for me.. i guess it just takes for that one guy to just love me back.. coz i dont mind spending my with anyone i know for the rest of my life.. yup.. and that slowly love each other more lah..

so i was just wondering.. u know.. if it was my ovaries talking all this while.. then how do i know when THE ONE will come? u know? like.. will i be more mature about it.. or will i still feel the adrenaline rush when i see them yet have this calmness to it.. what? what is it!?

gah

so yeah

sexual attraction comes in the package of loving someone right? i mean even in stories of pure and innocent love.. please.. then how the baby pop out?

thats why i say movies very unreliable.. they dont put up everything.. the perfect couple.. how to have the perfect baby is dont have sex? but the movie wont tell u that so u have to infer that they had sex.. but thinking that they had sex ruins ur image of the perfect couple which is precisely why it isnt shown in the movies

ok i dont know where im heading to.. im just kinda rambling and typing out whatever comes to mind..

its ok im not going to go on a sex rampage..

yup

gah.

2007-09-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

I'VE DECIDED!

i'm going to cut down on my internet time

im going to get used to NOT wasting time on the interent aimlessly waiting for something to happen..

acknoweldge that i really do have nothing to do online and really have so much more important and urgent things to do..

like Chemistry and Math

which leads me to mention that i am in love with my new maths teacher (: ~~i think there's something sexy about guys who know their stuff, are intelligent and exert this macho-ness appropriately~~ he's the math head of department really good (: and i wish he had come 2 years ago instead of 2 months before A levels..

so yes. i will cut down time on the net and learn to focus more on my subjects that need extra time.. math teacher gave quite an inpiring speech about bucking up and i intend to do just that (:

so yes.. no more cutting classes and slacking in classes.. im going try my bestest to work it out (:

2007-09-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

just realised that stage acting is so much more difficult than on screen acting.. coz on screen acting u can just yell "CUUUUUTT" if u screw up but on stage u cant.. which makes it all most essential to live breathe and be the character u are supposed to be.. hmmmm

and anyway

just wanted to say

u know how u do stupid things like cut class or not hand in ur work and stuff.. and like u think that even if there are consequences u wont care or it wont affect u.. well thats now true.. u know there is like this award given to people who have contirbuted loads to their CCAs?

well even if u did but was kinda shit in class.. u wont get it.. and this is where u look back and say fuck i should have been a better student.. but tis too late

so kids..

dont do anything u will regret later.. whether u care or not.. just donnt..

and it applies for life to.. like having premaritial sex and all.. for that one hype up you could just screw up eveything..

and its just not worth it..

big time..

and another thing..

im figured out that its difficult being in two heavy weight CCAs.. i mean.. its difficult to commit to both equally.. which means u end of not doing much of both.. so if u wanna do a good job.. just join one.. not two.. because u will end of having done nothing at all..

art courses in uni

2007-09-08T20:09:00.000+08:00

my dad told me about this article in the straits times today talking about how this person finished a arts and humanities degree in the uk.. came back.. and his starting pay as dunno what was the same as the starting pay for those with just an 'A' level cert..

so my dad is trying to tell me to like choose a practical course in uni..

and then i asked my dad that if the arts degrees cannot earn much then why do universities offer them?

my dad said simple.. so that the universities can earn money.

gah.

2007-09-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

no offense to gay people out there

but

this is the gayest site i have ever came across

http://pixyland.org

really please tell me that this guy has some serious issues!!

im mortified and definitely disturbed

2007-09-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

i want to blog about something.. but i cant remember about what

so until i recall

inventio 2007 was good.. im so proud of having such talented and amazing juniors (:

and last night was such a blast!

emo movie was like a solo emo movie night haha coz requiem for a dream just totally ripped everyone's souls out (:

up next

disney movie night, musical night, chick flick night, action movie night, and horror movie night (by which chin hua will watch it all by himself lol)

sibling rivalry - normal?

2007-09-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

i mean sometimes you just really hate your sister for taking your stuff without your permission and then not only do you never see it ever again.. when you do eventually see it again.. its in a mess and in tatters.. and all she can do is mumble a feeble 'sorry'.. like it wasnt even her fault.. in such a nonchalent way you feel like gettin back at her or smth

or you fight about the most trival of matters.. like who took the last cookie.. or pinch each other in spite..

is it normal?

i mean like.. you've heard of your friend's perfect relationship with their siblings (ach-deannatan-choo!) u wonder whether the petty fights and arguments you have with your siblings are normal.. u know? but u never actually ask around to find out.. because u are ashamed of how you treat your siblings some times if you do yell and scream at them..

so yeah..

the question im posing today is do you fight with your sibling? if you did, when did it stop? if you still do.. when do you think it will end?

for me.. i just think my sisters (age 13 and 12) are really annoying in such a way that they copy whatever i did last time.. they copied my old style of dressing.. my old designing style.. my old nicknames.. everything.. and they dont respect my parents the way i was brought up to do so.. and that pisses me off.. so i yell at them sometimes.. boss them around (sometimes).. and get really worked up when they borrow my stuff/clothes without asking me first.. and then denying they had anything to do with the disappearance of my item.. until i find it in their room or evidence of them tampering with my stuff.. then they just shrug it off and say opps.. which makes me madder.. so for me is not really fighting with.. its just me struggling to cope with their angsty teenage period..

so i wonder when it will all end.. though people with the luxury of older siblings tell me that things got better when they (the youngest) grew up.. me as the eldest is sceptical about it.. i mean.. it doesnt even seem likely that me and my sisters would ever talk about something without pissing either of us off first.. the peace agreement seems unlikely to ever happen in the near future..

so yeah.. tell me about your story.. did it work out in the end? or are u a struggling eldest sibling like me? or do you have perfect relationships with your silbings? or are you a frigging only child in the family? i wanna know..

(:

2007-08-30T16:13:00.001+08:00

hellooo

sun burn painful

and just realised should have put on some sun block coz the sun at noon the most harmful argh! haha

teacher's day celebration was pretty funny lol but kinda lame

(:

2007-08-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

got sun burn swimming with sean elina glory ebel and dee haha

went to jurong swimming complex with the wave pool, lazy river and slides to go on.. sean and i went first lah at like 12 noon.. and like then dee ebel elina came and then glory.. i spent a total of 4 hours.. haha omg burn lah haha

lol it was quite fun.. we raced in the lazy river.. played some queen thing in the wave pool which involved stacking 2 floats and then sit one person on top and defend that person.. haha my queen kept falling lol..

yup (: and surprisingly the weather was sunny and good (: haha

i think sentosa dont need to go liao

2007-08-28T19:59:00.001+08:00

ON OUR PROM

WE WILL DO OUR MAKE UP AND HAIR IN THE MORNING! AND THEN CAM WHORE IN THE AFTERNOON IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL OR SOMETHING OK!?!!?!?

AND WE WILL RENT A LIMO! BUT SINGAPORE LAO YA NO NICE LIMO!!

ANYWAY

WE WILL CAM WHORE NICE PICTURES! SO THAT WE WILL HAVE FUN IN OUR FANTABULOUS GOWNS!

OHHHH

LETS WALK AROUND IN OUR GOWNS OK!?!? (:

LOVE!

2007-08-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

blogger is being a bit*h and not letting me upload pictures! i have a 145 picture entry waiting to be uploaded!!! ): any day i guess

a totally pointless entry.

2007-08-27T20:54:00.000+08:00

why is the dashboard called a DASHboard? sounds DASHing to me lol ok lame haha

anyway

i want a kangaroo

and i want one from austrailia..

i like kangaroos because they can jump.. and they look cute.. so instead of barking at strangers, they can kick them.. good watch-aroo..

but sean says i cant have one.. because they are endangered.. elina says they like to kick each other's balls.. thats why no Father's day.. thats why they're endangered.. and thats why people sell furry kangaroo scrotum sacs to tourists..

well if i cant get a kangaroo.. a racoon is my second choice.. racoons are cute too.. they wash their food! so if i have a racoon at home.. i will let it run around in my house.. and toilet train it! it's like a cat i guess.. it even likes to eat cat food! (or was it the hedgehog that likes cat food?)

anyway.. if i still cant get a racoon.. im okay with a sheep.. sheep have wooL.. if im cold.. i can just wrap my arms around my sheep and will feel warm instantly.. and sheep eat grass! and they chew and chew and chew and its damn cute! hahaha

if not i dont mind a porcupine.. they can protect my family by shooting out its quills at dangerous people who try to enter my house by climbing my gate.. but they wont shoot their quills at me when i forget my house keys sometimes and have to climb over the gate.. they would probably even shoot a quill into the key hole and help me open the gates!! (:

ok that was a completely pointless and bimbo entry.

pc connection

2007-08-27T13:32:00.000+08:00

did u know that ur computer and ur laptop can be joined to form one BIG desktop!?!?!? and that u can just trasfer things in out of the screens because ur mouse will just go off the right of your computer and onto the left of your laptop! (if ur laptop is on the right of com)

i cant believe my dad has funkier gadgets and softwares than me

and he said that i can find like online software to share desktops with my friends!!! OMG SO EXCITING!! HAHAHAH

and so yup (:

or maybe its because im just damn noob.. ):

anyway today's the last day of my prelims

'CELEBRATION TIME COME ON!'

and sadly there's still the big As in about 2 months times.. but i guess i'll do fine for it (: studying does miracles u know..

going swimming at the 'big pool' @ jurong east swimming complex and just going to lounge around with the drama people (: gymming on tuesdays then sunday lunch at rae's farewell.. probably go watch a movie one of the days this week.. HAIRSPRAY! yup

end of the update on my boring life (:

[need to get a life out of facebook and need to find my thumbdrive to transfer pictures onto facebook]

excuse me?!

2007-08-26T17:25:00.000+08:00

read the papers yesterday and saw this article about this indian man on trial for grabbing a woman's boobs

and do u know what his lawyer said?

he cited dictionary definitions and argued that breasts are not considered private parts, and thus his client's crime is not so serious.

(let us have a moment of silence to let that statement sink in)

EXCUSE ME?? BOOBS ARE NOT PRIVATE PARTS??? so we can just anyhow go and touch your wife's boobs lah?? hello? it is a frigging private part!

though the indian breat-grabber got sentenced to jail (though initially he was just fined $4500 that bastard).. i am still damn angry lah

do men think they can get away doing degrading and offensive things to women???

frigging Mr Raymond Lye.. "contact with the breasts should not be taken as seriously as that with the genitals".. seriously just go fuck yourself.. so men can just go around touching other women's boobs lah because its not as serious as touching their genitals? i wonder how you would react if that woman molested was your wife.. i bet you wouldnt say that it wasnt as important as her genitals.. im sure you'll tell her calmly "my dear its fine.. he only touched your boobs.. its not like he touched your genitals"

fuck you

i cant believe there are asshole lawyers like that around.. maybe thats why i dont really like lawyers.. they dont often seek to find the truth.. but to win their case.. at any cost.. they dont care if they're fighting for the bad guy and helps them win.. whats more important is that their reputatiton is build higher.. thus more money

bastards!

...

really pissed off.

so thank god the singapore court has more sense then to listen to that lawyer's bullshit.. frigging hell that guy should be caned as well.. along with his bloody lawyer.. for not showing any respect for the woman's body..

GAH.

reflection

2007-08-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

yes and i only just realised that my blog format DOES add in the date that i post in.. which my dying laptop cannot display.. using my mom's laptop to blog now.. gah.. need a new laptop after As lah

i guess now that we're so close to A levels.. everything seems so surreal that we've actually come so far.. and probably so unprepared at it as well.. sigh

but im sure we'll make it through.. like most people do.. and even if we screw up.. there'll be a slim opening of a door somewhere out there for us.. if we just care to move our asses to find it

haha

anyway i finally went gymming today.. the revelation for me to go exercise came after i took half an hour to squeeze into a pair of jeans that fit perfectly 2 weeks ago.. gah.. so went to the gym.. wasnt as bad as i thought.. plugged in my music and jogged for half and hour.. covered about 3.8km.. that i havent done since sec 2.. yup and did cooling down streches for like 20 mins and then hit the showers

think i caught a cold

anyway

i have something to say about norah vincent's self made man

she says something like how we women are very exuberent in our greetings to each other.. like how we make an effort to embrace when we meet and say lots of nice-ties.. but in the end.. we arent that good friend and all.. but for guys.. they kinda form pretty strong bonds when they meet..

which is why i would like to explain my years of hanging with the guys in the last few months of primary school and first 2 years of secondary school

i guess i kinda realised from playing soccer with the guys that these guys once they've accepted you as your friend.. thye kinds stick to you no matter what happens.. and i admire that.. girls dont really do that.. we find ourselves bitching about one another.. (fish) when the other girl probably hasnt done anything to you

which is why when you ask melissa lin from choir and thandar.. they'll tell i kept hangin out with the guys.. played 'yamakasi' with the boys during recesses.. played soccer with them after school.. and basically i was part of this brotherhood.. they accepted me as one of them and i was really proud of it..

but i guess as i grew up (and melissa's and thandar's constant girl tips and reminders) and actually embraced my feminity wholly.. and actually liked dresses when my mom finally gives up trying to make me wear them haha

so yeah

(:

im a woman

and im glad/proud of it (:

[afternote: shit my muscles at starting to hurt]

2007-08-19T12:21:00.000+08:00

Sunday August 19th 2007
12.23pm

porn star

why do people become porn stars? can you show your whole body to the whole wide world? then what about the man who would marry you later on? would he marry you because of your body that he's seen in porno videos and magazines? wouldnt that be nothing special left for him since you've already shown your everything to the whole world, to judge, to degrade, to pass off as a plaything for men.

i cant fanthom doing a nude scene for a movie, or anything that could do down into history with video or pictorial evidence. wouldnt it be weird if your dentist or doctor saw it? frances's best friend who is still in secondary sch was on the cover of a men's magaxine a while ago.. at the age of probably 15 or 16.. how can you just wear skimpy clothes like a bikini or lacy underwear and be the object of men's lust? what if guys you know wank to it? guys would look differently at you; they will look at you and think of one thing only - sex. but then again i might be just ranting over nothing.. im sure there are guys who dont do that.. but i guess majority do..

just finished reading self-made man by norah vincent, about how she spent a year and a half disguised as a man to see whether she could do it and also to learn about the manly experience.. and i learnt some stuff.. and reinforced some stuff that i already know.. its a good read so check it out when you have the time..

gah

http://www.explosm.net

basically its this comic strips of stick figures killing each other having sex.. making the things that shouldnt at all be funny.. funny..

just a couple of examples of what their comic is about.. sadistically funny.. and the sad thing is i do find them funny.. so what doeas that say about me or the millions that enjoy these comics? that we have a homicidal urge in us? that there's a forbidden sexual desire within us that needs to be satisfied? that we're actually not the gentlemenly creatures we pretnd to be? hmmm

2007-08-18T13:57:00.000+08:00

Saturay 18th August 2007
1.58pm

im currently using my dad's fujitsu lifebook tablet.. and i love it! its damn bloody cool! like u can swivel the screen around and put it down and then like use this pen as a mouse! lol its damn bloody cool! and i want one when i go uni.. and the best thing is that it's small and NOT wide screen! (:

ok anyway agamemnon last nigh was surprisingly not boring.. coz they made it modern it was less dull to watch, thought they used a different script so it was more on the general story..

loved the use of the paper face masks.. especially the part when the chorus huddles together in the middle of the stage and use their masks to look around instead of actually turning their heads to looks around.. it was wow (:

though that cassandra's intoning of her speech was tiring on the ears after a while.. i guess even though a different quality should be attained when she speaks since she's like different and all.. maybe it could have been with a lil more variation? hm hhaha ok well

and i think the girl who shaved her head bald is so sexy! (lol random yes i know haha)

yup (: thats all from me i guess (:

join facebook people! lol

2007-08-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

converting everyone into using facebook.

i know it may seem damn lame. but i like it (:

try it. but after prelims. its addictive (:

reflections

2007-08-14T21:06:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, 14th August 2007
9.07pm

and the first paper for the prelims has started today

GP was fine.. the first ever time i did a actual essay plan with mdm's instructitons of the paragraph structure in mind.. i actually felt good when i finished the essay, though i did had to make myself stop at 1 and 3/4 page coz i just couldnt bear writing any more.. haha i even had a conclusion! (: lol

the compre was a bit tougher.. i couldnt focus long enough to read the passage so had to re-read sentences over and over.. oh well.. and the AQ asked 2 questions.. hmph

anyway i've learnt something today.. that is if you do something, you might as well give it your all to make the best everytime you do it.

i guess i learnt that from at home.. coz like every time my mom used to cook, when there was lesser of us.. i recalled it used to taste better.. like mac and cheese.. i used to love it.. but now.. it's just to mundane coz its simple to make and she makes it like every other week for lunch (and it lasts for a week).. it doesnt taste the same as before.. even for the tang1 yuan2, the filling tasted better the first time when she helped me make it.. and like recently i asked her to help me make the white fungus soup she made for us when the whole family was coughing and phlegmy.. the last time i recalled it was really gooey and nice.. but now.. the latest batch was kinda watery and the fungus wasnt soft and nice.. sigh

but i guess its hard to do so.. to give your very best all the time.. im sure its worth it.. it may be easier for you.. but it might affect the people around you.. sigh

and i also realise that thought i say how being passionate in something helps me actually want to give more to it.. its not exactly true.. i remember the aida period.. where i was alone in the studio.. and the minutes i could stand there alone in the room, unable to sing my song.. i guess i was just really self conscious of how i sounded.. how people walking pass the black studio can just judge me from how i was singing inside, unaware.. and i guess the idea of an audience just silenced me.. gah.. i can do it if imagine the audience away.. but.. is that what actors do? gah.

i guess im just trying to say that not being passionate is not an excuse for not doing well in any subject or anything that you do.. that i do..

if i can sit in the exam hall for 3 hour straight writing essays and not fidget so.. then there shouldnt be a reason i cant do the same in real life not under exam conditions..

and i guess that just means i have to work hard.. harder.. and stop making excuses for myself

2007-08-10T20:30:00.000+08:00

Friday 10th August 2007
9.20pm

and so during national day my parents had guests over for dinner.. which made me miss the national day parade completely sigh.. anyway that spurred my mom into a frenzy of food preparation (:

to which i decided to take pic of all the ingredients and some of the products.. much to the annoyance of my mom haha.. guess what they all are (:

[Editor's Note: I've added in the food pic's names in RED (: ]

lily buds

baby corn

celery

yellow capsicum

cashew nuts

red capsicum

red capsicum (opps another repeated ingredient)

home made garlic chilli

onion

sausage

peas in a pod

some vege haha

broccoli

mushroom

mushroom (again)

char siew chicken wing (without all the red colouring)

beef jerky

yup (: 17 (with one repeated) ingredients for you to guess (: have fun! haha

and i made tang1yuan2 for the guests! and i finally have pictures of them! lol

the filling

the uncooked glutinous rice flour balls (:

and the batch before this that just came out of the pot

all hand made even the filling ok! haha (: and they look for pretty!! (:

(:

2007-08-09T13:54:00.001+08:00

Thursday 9th August 2007
1.55pm

thought it might look nice

though u can kinda see where i fit elina's side on.. hm..

oh i also wanna take like photos with like many of urselfs in the same shot.. something like this..

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40666072/

its pretty cute right? (:

2007-08-09T13:40:00.000+08:00

1.41pm

and i will never EVER do it again even if im DAMN desperate.. its going to ruin my future!! what if i become famous.. and.. someone digs it out from somewhere!?!?! SIGH

anyway happy birthday singapore.. 42 years old.. thats damn old lah haha..

and here a act-sexy-bite-lip mouth from me to you (:

LOL ok totally cannot make it lol haha off to more studying! (:

pictures from yesterday

2007-08-08T11:47:00.000+08:00

Wednesday August 8th 2007
11.48am

and yes here are pics from yesterday.. laura elina and i were have such a fantabulous discussion about what to do after As (: nude modelling, mannequins, dolls in glass cases (:

elina with a leaf for a middle finger (:

4 drama guys re-doing napha ok?? sigh buff up guys!!

haha then i decided to take pics with the tree coz the lighting then was pretty nice (:

(:

photos of recent stuff

2007-08-07T22:57:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, August 7 2007
10.59pm

ok so last last sat was the nairs' birthday (: jo takes pics for the choir and josh did dodo with some of us.. so went to their party thingy at adrian's place last wed.. which i fell asleep waiting for the comm people to finish their comm dinner with the new comm kids.. anyway the birthday boys (:

because of the dodo project we wanted to get a dodo bird for like josh, and like coz its was also a early birthday party for shu an (who we missed).. elina decided to like make its a flightless bird theme for the present.. so shu an got a penguin stuffed toy.. and jo got a duck.. (it was only until later elina realised that ducks could in fact.. fly) but since she couldnt find a dodo stuffed toy because they are infact, well, extint.. she choose a tube of other birds there can possibly be which i think are all flightless? something like that haha

adrian, jo, glory, me, josh, elina and maggie (:

that pic is currently my desktop background(:

and on wednesday, we had our photoshoot for dep(:

and becasue we were waiting for deanna tan coz she had to take pics for some other things befor ethis.. the j1s took first (though they actually didnt have to take a batch pic)

really like this candid picture though the photographer's head is blocking someone opps

then we took out batch pic.. elia was there so we used laura's laptop and put a pic of elia on the computer screen.. sean wasnt there either so sean was replaced with the design studio's bear with a sign saying 'sean'. so with teddy sean and laptop elia in the middle, we just kinda huddled around it and took a pic.. people said the elia thing and us wearing all black made it look like her furneral.. but wadever haha

and after that drama comm members took a pic together too(:

the drama comm of 06-07

(:

about what xiaxue said

2007-08-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

10.28pm

after a whole long drought of not reading her stuff.. i finally remembered about her and visited her blog..

and read about the top 7 or however many most disgusting bloggers..

and i am just disturbed with the language she uses to address thse people who have done nothing to her.. people who are just living their lives like normal people and choose to share it with the net.. and maybe just because they do not fit into a cookie cutter mould of what she wants to see.. she flames them bad..

or maybe she just does it because its good material to read.. juicy bitchy gossip..

i've never taken an offense to her language.. i mean.. i believe in free speech and all.. but not when you randomly flame someone on the net with such strong language.. someone who you probably would never know..

and is this all of what our very own SINGAPOREAN star blogger does? she, amongst so many other singaporean bloggers, chosen to represent the rest of us singaporean bloggers? so is this how to be famous? by being very mean to others? wow so what does that teach us? be mean and bitchy and you will be rewarded with fame and glory? so what does it show about our society? our culture? our morals?

that we have no basic moral etiquette and values? that we cannot accept other people who are different? that we cannot stand the innocent and carefree ways of the young and the retired ways of the old? that we have no culture whatsoever and thrive on sheer tabloid and gossip?

then i am ashamed to call myself a part of this wretched community.. ashamed that i want to contribute so much to this community and beat myself for wanting to open people eyes through the arts..

because it wouldnt matter either way right? there's juicier stuff on xiaxue's blog..

and i know its a supposed 'cheap shot' to write vulgarities and flame unknown people online to just frigging up her hits.. but i really cant stand it..

gah..

narrow minded singaporeans..

she may seem different from the rest of us with her constant use of vulgarities, not seeming to care about what people think and from what she seems to be on the telly.. but she isnt

she's selfish, self-absorbed and has no substance at all .

2007-08-05T11:46:00.000+08:00

Sunday August 5th 2007
11.48am

bang bang was fun to watch.. all the emo and angst.. sigh haha

actually for once i dont have much to blog about.. haha i guess im too busy trying to study and stuff.. i hope prelims wont be too much of a killer.. coz im so not prepared.. sigh.. any good chem tutors to recommend me?

need to find back my inspiration to write.. i cant even annotate my lit poems.. gah.. lost the touch? studied too much and for just too long and now my brain is on strike? whatever haha GAH

counting down the days to A levels.. it'll prob be a while before you guys see some happy/funny/weird posts i guess (: but until then.. thanks for reading my whiny posts.. (:

JOEL LEE!! what were you thinking?? haha but im glad you had fun.. MUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID NEXT TIME I SEE YOU OR SOMETHING OK??? (:

over and out.